What has happened to childhood?

I'm the first to admit that when I was a kid, I was a girly-girl. I lived in dresses, always had to be the girl/mommy when we played house, and I absolutely LOVED my Barbies and My Little Ponies. You know, like these ones (also, I love http://www.kimsites.net/dreamvalley/, without that site I never would have been able to figure out all the names of my old ponies that my kids now have).

Even though I was such a girly girl, I still got to let out my tough side. I was a caveman (yep, caveman) for Halloween once. My sister was my pet monster. We were fierce and awesome and had our own radio show. I was Rose, and she was Frank (I have no idea why she chose Frank). We used to interview characters from Sesame Street, Tiger Sharks, and, occasionally, our little brother.

 

We were normal kids. We did insane things like wear 3 pairs of socks so we could "scrunch" them. We wore tee shirts that were way too big so we could tie them on one side without making them too small. We wore leggings. And I used to have a dress that was white with day-glo puffy paint fish on it. I loved that dress. 

I remember my first bikini. I was 13 (I think) and I wore it so happily. I sunbathed in it, and on our trip to Florida I wore it on the beach. It was basically a sports bra and it was covered in giant roses. My favorite one (at about age 16?) was a (still conservative) halter top that was bright blue and green. My brother once (accidentally) let a lizard jump down it while I was sunbathing. I did have one that was dark blue, and actually more string-like, which I had when I was 14, but I only wore it to the beach for that one trip because I wasn't comfortable with how much it didn't cover my boobs. Have I mentioned that I was a D cup before I had kids?

I think I got my first pair of grown-up shoes (heels) at about age 12 or 13, and I loved them. I loved the sound they made when I walked. I loved that I was suddenly a little taller than 5'2".

Now I have a daughter. She's getting to have opinions on things. She, at not-quite-2 1/2, absolutely LOVES My Little Pony. She has my old ones (all 4 that I still had; Butterscotch, Sundance, Bangles, Yo-Yo) as well as one inherited from her cousins (who also inherited it, somehow) named Wisteria. She has a whole bunch of non-MLP ponies that she loves, and she has one new MLP. Rainbow Dash, the one with sparkles in her hair. Because the other one comes with a purse, and not a trophy. WHY?! Rainbow Dash is not all about accessories!

 

Anyway. Dee's opinions also extend to clothing. Her favorite outfits are dresses, especially with either her light up shoes or her pink cowboy boots. She will also wear jeans and stuff, but she prefers dresses and skirts. Or nightgowns (which we've explained she doesn't get to wear when we leave the house). She loves necklaces and bracelets, and getting all dressed up with her baby dolls so she can climb into her spaceship (highchair) and go shopping for hats in space. She nurses her babies. If she sees her T-Rex costume from last year (still fits) she will BEG to wear it, because she wants to be a fierce dinosaur. Her favorite bath towel is a triceratops hooded towel (which is truly awesome). She and her brother play Lego (or Duplos) together. Sometimes she declares that she's a princess and cooks us food, but it's usually only a ruse so she can eat our faces. 

This ferocious, brave, sweet, sassy child is growing into a world where someone sells these boots for toddlers. I would wear them, but I would never let my young child wear them.

 

http://www.zulily.com/p/gray-auto-bootie-42835-4791009.html?pos=44&e=1

Girls are told (maybe not out loud but sure as hell by the toy section) that they are only good for being cute and sexy and sweet. You have to work to find a toy that isn't super-gendered if your daughter wants a Lego set. Duplos are pretty good, but what about when your daughter is older? Does she have to play with Lego Friends, where the figurines look like bizarre alien versions of regular Lego figurines, and they sit in hot tubs or on yachts? Why can't Wonder Woman or Batgirl or Storm or Hermione be part of the "girl" toy section? Or available with their OWN sets? Why can they only be found with the huge sets, while you can find Superman with his own smaller Lego set? And forget about race cars (like Hotwheels) that could be marketed to girls...

Why do Monster High and Bratz and Equestria Girls have to be what our daughters look at? I know I never wanted to look like Barbie, but my Barbie had clothes that actually covered her body rather than barely-thigh length skirts and knee-high stockings.

Why do these dolls have to be so skeletally thin? I know that most girls don't say "Oh, I want to be thin like my dolls" but they don't even look healthy... And WTF is up with their short little arms?! All I know is that I will NOT be buying Dee any of these dolls. If she gets one for a gift it will be going back to the store.

My daughter will not fall prey to the idea that she's only a pretty face, or only gets to do science that creates makeup just because she's a girl. She will be climbing rocks and mountains and exploring space and digging up dinosaurs and being her own person.  I will not buy her the clothing or shoes that scream "grow up and have sex already!" or "Look at me, I like to shop and manipulate my daddy. Tee hee". I will remind her how amazing she is, and how strong and beautiful and wonderful her body is and I will do my best to make sure she knows that she is worth more than the marketing world wants her to think. She's better than that.

That's it for now... I have a rant brewing about boy stereotypes too. In the meantime, if you think you'd like to know more about what we *as parents* can do to help combat this insanity for our children's sake, please visit http://blog.pigtailpals.com/ and http://www.amightygirl.com/. And make sure your child knows how very, very amazing he or she is, no matter what they toy aisle tries to tell them.

ETA: A Mighty Girl also has a parenting books section, including books on how to deal with the sexualization of childhood.

Hug Your Children

Even when they're difficult. Even when they yell. Even when they kick and hit and bite. They're still your children, and you still have them to hug. Tell them you love them EVERY DAY.

Not everyone is so lucky.

Oh for the love of Pete...

One of the bump.com message boards I frequent had a post about vaccines. The woman posting seems to know what she's doing and asked for reasonable advice, and is just doing her research about vaccinating her preemies. Anyway, I responded that she should read Paul Offit's book Deadly Choices (I posted the review here). Someone else responded with a "I went to a seminar by the author of Vaccine Epidemic and I haven't read the book, though. I learned some really interesting stuff and I might ask my pediatrician about some of it and follow their advice." Really? REALLY?!  First of all, Offit is a DOCTOR, an MD, who knows the medical science behind vaccines and the diseases they prevent. Neither of the editors of Vaccine Epidemic has any scientific background (from what I can glean from their author bios); one has an MA and one is a lawyer. They are both human rights specialists. One would think that if they truly cared about humanity/human rights, they wouldn't spread such tripe and would instead try to help people understand why vaccines and modern medicine can HELP people have a better quality of life, rather than such bullshit. And no, I haven't read the book. I may read it just so I can better understand what the fuck these people have to say about something that saves lives.  It just seems, from an outside view, that it is unconscionable for human rights activists to basically say that vaccines are scary and the companies that make them just want to get money for them. Dammit. Now I have to read their fucking book. Oh, and a bonus? The amazon.com description basically says that their entire book is ANECDOTAL evidence. Not scientific evidence. Coincidence and even subsequence does not equal causality, dumbass editors.

Dear god. This is one of those moments when my faith in humanity slips a little bit. If you're going to write a book about why companies that make vaccines are evil, at least enlist someone credible with some science background. Oh wait, nobody fitting that description would be involved with such an endeavor. Gah.

21 Months

J is 21 months old today. Above is a picture of him reading in the car this week.

It's hard to believe that one year ago, he looked like this:


(Squeee! Look at that chubby little face! He was so bald! And his teeth weren't all the way in yet, and oh my gosh he was such a baby still! Yeah, I do get a little too into Halloween. I haven't gotten him Halloween socks yet this year simply because all the $1 toddler ones Target has are pretty girly, and they don't have any skull ones in his size)
And even harder to believe, TWO years ago, he looked something like this: (I had actually just had my glucose tolerance test, and would soon find out that I had gestational diabetes)


Ok so technically those are from my 32 week ultrasound, but that's way closer than my 19 week one, so there you go. Wow. He was throwing a fit in the bottom right picture, by the way. He really hated ultrasounds and things like that. He still makes that face when he's crying.

Facts and Fiction about H1N1 Influenza (Swine Flu)

In case you are totally clueless about H1N1, here's the CDC Fact Page.

I thought it would be a good idea to provide some information about the H1N1 flu, just because it's in the news, and unfortunately people are not always getting the right information. I'll do my best to debunk some of the myths and also to spread the knowledge. Most of this comes from a combination of my own background and what I've been told by immunologists and physicians at work, as well as some interviews I've heard on Science Friday, and also a lot from the CDC H1N1 page. I'll provide specific references in the form of links where I can.

Fiction: Hand sanitizer will keep you from getting the flu.

Fact: Influenza virus is not killed by alcohol-based sanitizers (according to Dr. J. Owen Hendley). The only surefire way to remove flu virus from your hands is to wash with soap and water, while rubbing hands together, for at least 20 seconds. Hand sanitizer will kill most bacteria and some other viruses, but not H1N1. Regular hand washing is the best defense.

Fiction: Flu vaccine causes you to get the flu.

Fact: The flu vaccine cannot give you the flu, as it consists of pieces of a dead virus that only serves as "training" for your immune system so that your cells will recognize the strains against which the vaccine was developed, so that your body can more efficiently fight off the virus. You may experience soreness at the injection site (I do, anyway), and if you are allergic to eggs (albumin) you should not get the flu vaccine.

Fiction: I don't need to get the vaccine, I haven't gotten the flu in years.

Fact: In general, the flu shot is a good idea for people who take care of small children and the elderly, as well as individuals in both of those populations. However, as a novel virus, H1N1 is a cause for greater concern because most people don't have an immunity of any kind against it. This seems to be manifested best in the observation that people under 50 have presented more cases than those over 50. According to the CDC (via Science Friday), as of May 11: "the more recent illnesses and the reported death suggest that a pattern of more severe illness associated with this virus may be emerging in the U.S. Most people will not have immunity to this new virus and, as it continues to spread, more cases, more hospitalizations and more deaths are expected in the coming days and weeks."

Fiction: If I get the flu vaccine, I am protected against all kinds of flu virus.

Fact: The flu vaccine varies from year to year, and each year the developers of the vaccine target the predominant strains. This means that you are reasonably well protected, but you can still get a less common strain of the flu. This year, because of the H1N1 flu, there will be two separate vaccines. The first one, which is currently being shipped out and will be available very soon, is the one that comes out every year, geared toward the "old" flu viruses that make up the seasonal flu. The second vaccine is specifically for H1N1, and will not be available until later in the year and will come out sometime in October. The H1N1 vaccine will be given in two doses, about a month apart. If you have a small child, this is the same way that the regular flu vaccine is given the first time your child gets the vaccine. This is because the first shot may not provide complete immunity when your immune system has never seen the virus (dead or alive) before. The second shot gives your immune system a second chance to get things figured out so that you will be better protected. The only time you need to get the vaccine in two doses is the first year you get the vaccine.

Who should get the vaccine?

In the event of a limited vaccine supply, the following groups receive the vaccine before others: pregnant women, people who live with or care for children younger than 6 months of age, health care and emergency medical services personnel with direct patient contact, children 6 months through 4 years of age, and children 5 through 18 years of age who have chronic medical conditions. Once the demand for vaccine for these target groups has been met at the local level, programs and providers should begin vaccinating everyone from ages 25 through 64 years. (From the CDC: http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/vaccination/public/vaccination_qa_pub.htm)

Here is the email that was sent out at work, by the Infection Control Officer of the hospital:

As there is growing concern regarding the upcoming influenza season and the current novel influenza A (H1N1) pandemic, I wanted to provide a brief update on the situation.

∙ The influenza season in the southern hemisphere appears to be winding down, with most countries having past the peak level of influenza activity. Novel influenza A H1N1 was and is the dominant circulating influenza strain, supplanting seasonal influenza A. The disease spectrum appears to be similar to what has been seen in North America.

∙ In the US, influenza activity has been stable over the summer, with most states currently reporting local or sporadic activity. Novel influenza A (H1N1) is causing the majority of influenza in the United States, and is expected to be the predominant cause of influenza this fall and winter.

∙ In the United States, most of the persons affected have been younger than 50 years old. Symptoms have included fever, cough, and sore throat in the majority. About 25% of infected persons have presented with diarrhea or vomiting. Most disease continues to be mild and self-limited.

∙ The rapid influenza test is an insensitive test for novel influenza A (H1N1). A negative test does NOT rule out infection.

∙ H1N1 PCR testing (in Colorad0) from the state health department is only being done for hospitalized patients, in order to better understand the epidemiology of the virus, rather than as a diagnostic tool.

What this means:

∙ A person with sudden onset of fever, cough, sore throat and other flu-like symptoms such as muscle aches and headache should be considered to have novel influenza A (H1N1) if there is not another probable explanation.

∙ Every person suspected to have influenza should be treated as if they have influenza until proven otherwise, and be placed in the appropriate isolation precautions. If influenza testing is ordered, the person tested should be considered to have influenza until proven otherwise.

∙ Antiviral medications are available for treatment and chemoprophylaxis. However, most people with influenza do not require antiviral therapy. Antiviral prescription is appropriate for persons with severe illness and those at high-risk of complications of influenza (http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/recommendations.htm). If appropriate, antiviral therapy should be prescribed based on clinical suspicion, not on testing results. Healthcare providers with unintended, unprotected, close contact to a patient with influenza may be offered chemoprophylaxis to prevent infection.

I hope the email above was informative. Other random tips:

If you are coughing, cough into your elbow, not your hands. This applies whether you have the flu or not.

Wash your hands frequently with soap and water.

Don't spit on the ground if you cough up phlegm. This releases your personal "bugs" (viruses, bacteria, etc) into the environment around you and exposes your fellow citizens to your illness.

If you have the flu, stay home until you are well. It's best not to expose anyone else unnecessarily.

Use the sanitizing wipes on your grocery cart and hands before you start your shopping to minimize transmission of anything you may be carrying.

The Hazards of Batteries

A little girl Elaina Redding died May 21, and I knew nothing about it until just now. She had swallowed a button battery, and even though her parents took her to the hospital and they took it out within about 10 hours of the toddler swallowing it, it was too late. Less than three weeks later, a coughing fit caused her to rupture her damaged esophagus and she bled to death.

The same thing happened to Hazel, but she was lucky. Hazel had the battery in her throat for six days, but she survived.

Please, please keep your batteries, any kind of battery, out of reach of your kids and pets. Lock them up if you have to. Don't put them in small trashcans that are easily raided.

Let's not allow any more senseless deaths from something so preventable darken our world.

Please keep the Redding family in your thoughts and prayers.

The Shadow on My Day

This morning started out well. The sun is out and shining, and it's supposed to be warm, unlike the past few days. I got to work and checked my email. There was a discussion going on about Socialism in the email group I belong to, which somehow derailed into a discussion of the legal importance of marriage. Someone I thought I knew said something that shook and saddened me deeply- she basically implied that without a legal contract between a couple, the children would not realize their full potential. Therefore, anyone living with a partner that considered themselves to be married in every spiritual sense of the word, without involving the government, would not be able to bring up children "properly." Her exact words were:

It is obviously more productive to not get married and just become a bastard factory. I don't think the argument that it is OK to have children without a legal relationship between parents is good for the child. Despite the fact that it is no longer taboo I think it leaves a nothing in the child's life.

This statement could be construed to include single parents as well.

As the product of a dissolved marriage and an imperfect but persistent one, I take great exception to this statement. I have many friends that were raised by single parents, and I know people raising children without being married to their partners. The important thing, in my mind, is that a child is brought up in a loving home, with boundaries, but with a parent or parents who love them. Not everyone has a mother or father, but that doesn't stop them from becoming great. Look at our president, for example. His mother raised him alone, and I think that he and many of us raised similarly are stronger for it.

That people pass judgment on others without having truly thought about the situation(s) involved is very sad. I cannot seem to shake this heavy feeling off.

I just wonder at the lack of open-mindedness in this world today.