August 21, 2012

He's been in a phase where this is his favorite picture face. Hmm.

August 20, 2012 - One of The Boy

Here is one of J from the party, in one of his favorite shirts.

August 19, 2012

Accessory Girl!

August 18, 2012

L had some fun at her cousin's birthday today! I promise, she wasn't just serious all day!

August 17, 2012 - The Park

August 16, 2012

J's last day of daycare was today. They went to the zoo to see the new elephant exhibit. The teacher sent me this picture she took of J and one of the little girls. It just melts my heart!

Thoughts on a Hazy Morning

Look, the Rockies disappeared!

It's 8:30 and I'm on my second cup of coffee for the day. No surprise there, given how *fantastically* well we slept last night. The sky is hazy, the sun was red as it came up. We were wondering if there was a fire somewhere, other than the ones in Washington. It took my friend and I over an hour to get to work this morning because there was an accident on the freeway.

I forgot to take my meds this morning. I've been depressed anyway, my friend's death sent me into a downward cycle and I find myself lacking motivation, lacking in energy, just plain lacking. I'm tired, deep down to the bones and back tired. Spiritually tired. I need a vacation. I will get one in a month, when C goes on his annual hunting trip, but that's a month off.

J starts preschool next week. I'm happy and sad at once, my baby boy is starting school. He won't be done for *at least* 13 years, no including college.

Happy Tuesday, I guess. Hope it's a good one!

Late Night Musings

L is apparently sick. C says she's teething but I have my doubts. She has woken more times than I care to count in the past 3 hours (has it only been 3 hours?). We've also managed to lose all 8(ish) of her pacis. I woke C up and he found one under the recliner. Fun times. I can hear her mobile now. Do you get to a point where you just give up on the idea of sleep? I have to get up in just over 4 hours. I have not actually managed to fall asleep yet, between being hot and being woken by a crying baby every 20 minutes or so.

Fuck I'm tired. Goodnight.

August 11, 2012 - Chokecherries!

Before the end of the season, we wanted to get some chokecherries. A friend of mine, J and I harvested chokecherries from some roadside bushes today. I'm glad we went today, had we waited another week I think it would have been too late! It was so fun, and J actually did pretty well for a 4 year old who lost interest kind of quickly. We explained that he wanted to come, so he was stuck with us and he didn't get to go home til we were all done.

We made chokecherry syrup and chokecherry jam with the juice. YUM.

*Should you choose to do this, do NOT ingest raw chokecherries. They are called chokecherries for a reason!!*

Gone

Just that like, she's gone. I should have been a better friend. I should have actually gone out for coffee, an hour's drive be damned.  I should have made more of an effort and been less involved in my own little world. No sense in regrets now, I suppose. I'll just have to accept that I won't ever get to wish her a happy birthday next month, or hear her voice or get one of her tender hugs. My daughter won't get to meet her (why didn't I make sure she got to before now?) and my son will miss knowing a fun and gentle soul.

She was only 29, what happened? Where did she go? Why is that spark now gone, leaving behind only an empty husk? Yes, we'd drifted apart, but we'd never lost touch. Why isn't she still here? Why is there a (new) spot on my heart that has been coldly seared away? She was too young. She was healthy and happy (wasn't she? Did I miss something obvious?). It was a shock. Was she really missing or was she already gone and therefore (obviously) unable to answer her phone? WHY?

15 years of friendship and I'll never get to tell her how glad I am to know her or let her know I love her. Even if she hates Adam Lambert and I don't, and even if she loves Anime and I don't. Growing up would not have been the same without her. She used to call her birth control pills BQPs; she had a sticky note on her dresser mirror as a reminder to take them but didn't want her parents to know what the reminder was for. She loved all things Japanese. She introduced me to Cold Play ("Yellow" which I heard on the radio this morning, before I found out that she was gone) in the choir room over lunch. She was eager to lose her virginity. I never did ask her if it was all she had hoped. She teased me about drinking so much water. We took each others' picture making kissy faces. I have only one picture of her. It's a Polaroid; we doodled on it and she told me to keep it. I am glad I did.

She was the first person I told that I had been raped. She was a great listener. We once had a fight because she told my sister (also her friend) what I'd said about her, and my sister was upset (understandably) but it was all water under the bridge and we let it go. She came to my wedding. I'll never get to see hers.

We met up at Starbucks when J was a young toddler. I scolded her for texting while driving. She came over to watch The Last Unicorn and The Dark Crystal. We both love(d?) 80s fantasy movies, cheesy as they are. Once we binged on Oreos and milk and watched anime all night. I last saw her at my baby brother's senior recital. I should have spent more time with her.

This morning, I called my sister. I called my brothers. I called my mother. I called to tell them that our friend of 15 years had passed away. I called to tell them that I love them, because life is too short and unpredictable to leave important things like that unsaid.

Goodbye, Little Kristen. Namaste.