Finding the Light in the Darkness

Sometimes, the heartbreak of the world around me weighs down so heavily I feel tears waiting in the wings all day, and don't have the will to stop them.

This is one of those times.

The shooting in Orlando, killing and wounding so many. Out of fear. Out of hate.

Uproar over who uses which bathroom. Who really gives a fuck. As long as the person using the bathroom is neat about it and doesn't pee on the seat, flushes the toilet, and washes their hands, I really could not care less. 

The shooting in the airport in Istanbul. Again, out of fear. Out of hate.

The bombing in Baghdad. Killing hundreds. Again, out of hate. Who knows if it is hate driven by fear or by something else. Fear and hate are so closely linked, it's hard to say sometimes which came first. Most often we fear something and that fear becomes hate, and it can be taught.

Killings here, in the US, on a small scale. Men shot for being black by cops who... were afraid? Were filled with terror for everything else happening in the world? Were under too much stress? Who reverted to being scared little boys and fired..why?

Cops shot by snipers for being cops. For trying to serve and protect.

Can we just stop, humanity? Can we just take a step back and reach out to the man/woman next to us and acknowledge the human in them, while they acknowledge the same in us? Can we put aside our petty or not so petty differences and agree to disagree while we address more important things?

I don't know. I want to think humanity is inherently good, but I don't know anymore. I want my children to grow up in a world that has figured it's shit out. I want the adults to stop acting like spoiled and petulant children, and I want them to start acting like normal children. The kind that understand that kindness is paramount.

I'll be here. Under my blanket. Waiting for the heaviness to subside, hoping not to spend all day falling apart inside as I hear the collective heard of humanity crumbling. I'm going to look at rainbows and puppies and kitties and babies. I suggest you do the same. Find a little sunshine through the clouds and spread what light you can in the darkness. Pick out the constellations amidst the human chaos. Knit back what has been rent and torn.

I recognize the humanity in you.