When it rains...

The transition between late September and early October was a rough one. Many shitty things happened at once, though in the grand scheme of things none were catastrophic and I feel like maybe I don't even get to complain because so many people are dealing with worse, but the fact remains that it was a really shitty 3 weeks. While C was hunting, our beagle got sick. It seemed that he aspirated something, but his breathing didn't improve over the next two weeks. The week C was hunting, I ran out of my meds because I just didn't have time to go to the pharmacy, and when I did go the doctor (for some unknown reason) didn't refill my meds for a year, but only for two months. So they gave me 3 days worth but it was a full week before I got back to the pharmacy. My OCD/anxiety were ramping up.

While my brain was in this state, I got totally slammed with sample processing my first 3 days back at work after the week off while C was hunting. As in 3 9 hour days with only 1 break to pump if any, and like 5 minutes for lunch. One of those days I had 3 blood samples to process- when I've asked in the past that no more than 1 blood happen at a time, maximum two per day, and I got 3 AT ONCE. And in the midst of this, I was informed that I was going to be consolidating my lab space in to *half* of what I've had for the last 8 years (which is ongoing, and the people moving in are apparently not getting what they asked for either and keep asking me for more space which I don't have to give). I was feeling really undervalued as an employee. During this time my dog was not really getting better, but he seemed okay. Stable.

My mom wonderfully was able to watch the kids while I was working late and C had to leave for work before I could get home. On Thursday of the week I was finally able to get my meds. Friday morning, on my way to work, I heard a (seemingly) harmless little "click" and the engine stopped. Of course. It was the timing belt. C came, we towed the Subaru home, and it sat there in the driveway til Tuesday when we got it towed to a mechanic. Fortunately I was able to get a ride with someone else on my floor at work who lives near me for the week we were down to one car, and my mom helped with the kids again. The mechanic informed us that we needed a new engine, the brakes needed maintenance, the power steering boot on the driver's side was torn, and oh, by the way, the clutch needed to be replaced too. The cost of all this? Well, we couldn't get a used car that would last 150K miles for this price, but damn. Not money we really had, but we did get the car back on Friday which was great.

Thursday night we noticed MacGyver was really struggling. He was lethargic and did not finish his food. I called the emergency vet (because, naturally, the regular vet had closed 10 minutes earlier). This earned him an overnight stay, medicine, and some Xrays. We learned that our 11 (almost 12) year old beagle has congestive heart failure, pneumonia, and possibly a mass on his liver (we didn't have $700 more to spend on the ultrasounds to confirm the mass and get a better look at his heart). He did get to come home on Friday evening, and we were all so glad to have him home. He's now getting better every day (and getting back to being a pain in the ass, which is wonderful).

Home!!

And now? Now I'm rebounding, but my soul is exhausted and wrung out. My mental state is muted. It's better this week but I'm still reeling from the ups and downs (mostly downs) of the last few weeks. I just need a break, but I'm treading water to stay afloat at work and there's no end in sight. I just hope the Universe is done fucking with me for a while.

Oh, and another fun note about something that *just* happened: one of the people at work informed me today that she took my desk phone into the cell culture room for my ENTIRE MATERNITY LEAVE. I realize that I've been back for 6 months, and cleaning/sterilizing my phone now is an empty gesture, but what in the ever-loving-fuck. Join me, won't you, in a massive full body shudder? And then this same person just left candy on the chemical bench. Which I've since thrown away, because there are just places that food NEVER goes.


On the upside, my garden (mostly tomatoes) went gangbusters this year.

Praying mantis! From my Mother's Day eggs, perhaps?

Tiny watermelon! We had to pick it early because a rabbit bit the stem through...

Most recent harvest

Edit: Oh, Universe. I see what you did there. PMS on top of everything? Lovely. And now, ladies and gentlemen, my first postpartum period.

Ode to the Dentist

Can't feel half my face
Extra septocaine is good
Til it's time to eat

So... I went to the dentist this morning. Dee threw a fit because she couldn't come with me. I guess it's good that the kids like the dentist so much. Anyway, I get to go again in 2 weeks (after just having my teeth cleaned 2 weeks ago) because I get to have a crown put on! Yay! Not really yay. But at least my teeth will be taken care of. Ugh.

They numbed me up super, duper well, which is better than not enough, and great because I usually burn through the numbing agent pretty fast. I left there almost an hour and a half ago, and I still look like I've had a stroke because I can't move half of my upper lip. Today I had a filling on top (at some point, seriously, I will have had every possible space filled...) and the temporary crown put on, after prep was done on my tooth for the permanent one.

And I'm hungry.

But I already chewed up my cheek while at the dentist (whoops) so... no food until my mouth is no longer numb. I'm going to walk to Chipotle (which is just past Starbucks, so I'll get my exercise!) and hopefully by the time I get back my face won't be numb any more. I read that exercise helps? Oy.

In the meantime, kids, take care of your teeth. Even if you have shitty enamel like I got from my parents, every little bit helps. 

Update: It took until almost 4:00 before my face was no longer numb. My left cheek is still sort of weird, like non-working and my top lip doesn't work symmetrically. Fun. I ended up getting a smoothie at Starbucks and not going to Chipotle, because chewing is hard even with feeling. I also discovered that I bit my tongue in at least 3 places, badly, so I keep tasting blood and it stings. Icky. And owie.

2013: A Year in Review

Things That Happened:

J turned 5, and had a pirate party.

I turned 30, and C threw me a surprise party.

C turned 31, and I did not throw him a surprise party.

Dee turned 2.

I got the Mirena removed.

We went on a fabulous road trip this summer to visit my dad and step-mom in WA. The kids got to go to the beach for the first time, and they absolutely loved it. So did the dogs.

We refinanced (more or less) and now have no more budget issues. YAY! We aren't rich but we don't have to stress about money so much any more.

Dee graduated from diapers.

J lost his first tooth (and lost the second one a few weeks later)!

J started kindergarten.

The kids were dinosaurs (well, James was a pterosaur) for Halloween.

I had to put down my parents' 14 year old lab.

 Thanksgiving happened!

Christmas happened!

 

I read 51 books.

I ran/walked 43.7 miles (out of my goal of 300).

Quite a year, really. Let's see what 2014 will bring (other than the cold I have gotten since last night...)!


P.S. If you want to see my list of goals for 2014, there's a tab at the top of the page that should take you right to it :-).

What has happened to childhood?

I'm the first to admit that when I was a kid, I was a girly-girl. I lived in dresses, always had to be the girl/mommy when we played house, and I absolutely LOVED my Barbies and My Little Ponies. You know, like these ones (also, I love http://www.kimsites.net/dreamvalley/, without that site I never would have been able to figure out all the names of my old ponies that my kids now have).

Even though I was such a girly girl, I still got to let out my tough side. I was a caveman (yep, caveman) for Halloween once. My sister was my pet monster. We were fierce and awesome and had our own radio show. I was Rose, and she was Frank (I have no idea why she chose Frank). We used to interview characters from Sesame Street, Tiger Sharks, and, occasionally, our little brother.

 

We were normal kids. We did insane things like wear 3 pairs of socks so we could "scrunch" them. We wore tee shirts that were way too big so we could tie them on one side without making them too small. We wore leggings. And I used to have a dress that was white with day-glo puffy paint fish on it. I loved that dress. 

I remember my first bikini. I was 13 (I think) and I wore it so happily. I sunbathed in it, and on our trip to Florida I wore it on the beach. It was basically a sports bra and it was covered in giant roses. My favorite one (at about age 16?) was a (still conservative) halter top that was bright blue and green. My brother once (accidentally) let a lizard jump down it while I was sunbathing. I did have one that was dark blue, and actually more string-like, which I had when I was 14, but I only wore it to the beach for that one trip because I wasn't comfortable with how much it didn't cover my boobs. Have I mentioned that I was a D cup before I had kids?

I think I got my first pair of grown-up shoes (heels) at about age 12 or 13, and I loved them. I loved the sound they made when I walked. I loved that I was suddenly a little taller than 5'2".

Now I have a daughter. She's getting to have opinions on things. She, at not-quite-2 1/2, absolutely LOVES My Little Pony. She has my old ones (all 4 that I still had; Butterscotch, Sundance, Bangles, Yo-Yo) as well as one inherited from her cousins (who also inherited it, somehow) named Wisteria. She has a whole bunch of non-MLP ponies that she loves, and she has one new MLP. Rainbow Dash, the one with sparkles in her hair. Because the other one comes with a purse, and not a trophy. WHY?! Rainbow Dash is not all about accessories!

 

Anyway. Dee's opinions also extend to clothing. Her favorite outfits are dresses, especially with either her light up shoes or her pink cowboy boots. She will also wear jeans and stuff, but she prefers dresses and skirts. Or nightgowns (which we've explained she doesn't get to wear when we leave the house). She loves necklaces and bracelets, and getting all dressed up with her baby dolls so she can climb into her spaceship (highchair) and go shopping for hats in space. She nurses her babies. If she sees her T-Rex costume from last year (still fits) she will BEG to wear it, because she wants to be a fierce dinosaur. Her favorite bath towel is a triceratops hooded towel (which is truly awesome). She and her brother play Lego (or Duplos) together. Sometimes she declares that she's a princess and cooks us food, but it's usually only a ruse so she can eat our faces. 

This ferocious, brave, sweet, sassy child is growing into a world where someone sells these boots for toddlers. I would wear them, but I would never let my young child wear them.

 

http://www.zulily.com/p/gray-auto-bootie-42835-4791009.html?pos=44&e=1

Girls are told (maybe not out loud but sure as hell by the toy section) that they are only good for being cute and sexy and sweet. You have to work to find a toy that isn't super-gendered if your daughter wants a Lego set. Duplos are pretty good, but what about when your daughter is older? Does she have to play with Lego Friends, where the figurines look like bizarre alien versions of regular Lego figurines, and they sit in hot tubs or on yachts? Why can't Wonder Woman or Batgirl or Storm or Hermione be part of the "girl" toy section? Or available with their OWN sets? Why can they only be found with the huge sets, while you can find Superman with his own smaller Lego set? And forget about race cars (like Hotwheels) that could be marketed to girls...

Why do Monster High and Bratz and Equestria Girls have to be what our daughters look at? I know I never wanted to look like Barbie, but my Barbie had clothes that actually covered her body rather than barely-thigh length skirts and knee-high stockings.

Why do these dolls have to be so skeletally thin? I know that most girls don't say "Oh, I want to be thin like my dolls" but they don't even look healthy... And WTF is up with their short little arms?! All I know is that I will NOT be buying Dee any of these dolls. If she gets one for a gift it will be going back to the store.

My daughter will not fall prey to the idea that she's only a pretty face, or only gets to do science that creates makeup just because she's a girl. She will be climbing rocks and mountains and exploring space and digging up dinosaurs and being her own person.  I will not buy her the clothing or shoes that scream "grow up and have sex already!" or "Look at me, I like to shop and manipulate my daddy. Tee hee". I will remind her how amazing she is, and how strong and beautiful and wonderful her body is and I will do my best to make sure she knows that she is worth more than the marketing world wants her to think. She's better than that.

That's it for now... I have a rant brewing about boy stereotypes too. In the meantime, if you think you'd like to know more about what we *as parents* can do to help combat this insanity for our children's sake, please visit http://blog.pigtailpals.com/ and http://www.amightygirl.com/. And make sure your child knows how very, very amazing he or she is, no matter what they toy aisle tries to tell them.

ETA: A Mighty Girl also has a parenting books section, including books on how to deal with the sexualization of childhood.

Watching, Waiting.

Click photo for source

This is such a beautifully written article in the form of a letter to a child. I love it. It sums up my own feelings on the Bible pretty well, actually. http://momastery.com/blog/2013/03/26/a-mountain-im-willing-to-die-on-4/
Go read it!

I am waiting to hear what the United States Supreme Court decides for our nation. I know what is right, and I know what I want them to decide. That all people should have the right to marry. That all marriages should be treated with equal weight. That to discriminate against those whose orientation isn't straight and narrow in this way, when it is *illegal* to discriminate in other ways, isn't okay.

Do I pray? I suppose you could call it that. I am sending my desires out into the Universe that our Supreme Court does what is right.

Some Random Babble

I'm having a little trouble getting into the swing of things this morning, so let me just brain vomit on you for a while. Anyone who needs a towel is welcome to grab one. ;-)

My baby is 5 now. 5. FIVE. I get that he isn't a baby anymore, but 5 is no longer a toddler, no longer even a preschooler. He's 5 and will be starting Kindergarten in the fall (and soccer, too, if he still wants to). He's smart and sweet and so polite (it kills me a little when he says "Yes, ma'am" to me). Don't get me wrong, he's certainly got his mean moments and the occasional attitude, but over all, J is just about the sweetest little boy I've ever met. He sings songs to his sister (mostly "Rock a bye baby" which I think is probably a sweet way to threaten to put your baby in a tree if they don't stop crying). He makes crafts and things all the time. The other day he just made a dinosaur sculpture out of cardboard, told me it was a new duckbill that lives underground (so didn't go extinct), and named it "Dinoduckduck Di" for it's species name. He writes songs about superheroes and P-funk. I love him so much I can't breathe when I think about it.


As J and Dee both get older, the urge desire need ache for another baby (specifically a boy) is getting stronger. I know I hate being pregnant. I am sick the first half of the pregnancy, then everything hurts and I can't sleep and my sciatica gets so bad I can hardly walk. The heartburn is horrible. There's the utter exhaustion. But then...there's the magic of seeing that little pink line. Of knowing (in between pukes) that there's a person you are building, cell by cell, inside you. Speculations of whether that person is a he or a she. The little wiggles. Having the baby all to yourself. And the delivery...if I could have another delivery like Dee's, I would do it in a heartbeat. C is not on board with this.

I'm a little torn. I have *always* wanted 4 kids. I have 3 younger siblings, and 4 older ones (WAY older, like 15-20 years older, so we're not very close). When we were first talking about family, we had decided that we'd have 2 biological kids (presumably boys, given how C's family goes) and adopt 2 kids (girls). Once we entered the real adult world and realized that adoption is super expensive ($17-$30k, from the estimates I've seen) we have sort of pared down to adopt only one, just for financial reasons. I just can't deal with the heartbreak of the foster-to-adopt system, and I really want a baby so I can breastfeed it. But this yearning inside for 1 more biological kid is really tough. I would love to have a biological kid in a few years, and then adopt one so they have age-mates (within a couple years) like J and Dee, who are 3 years apart.

Anyway....

Obligatory Year-End Roundup

Ah, 2012.

I only got 158/366 pictures done (well, put up here). I did learn a lot about how to use different settings on my camera (and my phone's camera) and I hope to continue to learn more in the new year.

I read 64 of my goal 75 books this year. Not too shabby! Maybe next year I'll get 75. Or not. We'll just have to see.

I got a Mirena IUD (with mixed feelings as to how I like it) and C did *not* get a vasectomy.

The world did not end on 12/21. Obviously.

I joined a study looking to see whether meditation techniques can help prevent depression relapse.

We got a new (to us) car because our faithful PT Cruiser met its demise (and a deer) at 75mph in Wyoming. 

J started preschool and left daycare.

Looking forward?

I will mention that I don't believe that resolutions accomplish anything other than making people feel like failures. So I don't make them. However, I do think that the start of a new year is a good time to reflect and decide what sort of goals you have in mind. My goals are as follows:

1. Read 75 books.
2. Walk a mile every day (goal of 300 miles in the year, but we'll just see if I can just make it one day at a time). I did already walk 1.3 miles today, so that's a good start.
3. Set up a better financial plan (i.e. retirement, etc).
4. Make wills. No, we don't have them. I know, we should. I know.

Such lofty plans for the coming year :-p!

Feel free to share any goals you have!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

September 18, 2012 - Deer vs. Car

 In a terribly ironic twist of events, C hit a deer on his way up to Wyoming for his annual hunting trip. For deer. As it turns out, hitting an 80ish pound animal in a PT Cruiser going 75 miles per hour down the highway (in the dark) is pretty bad for all parties involved. C is okay. The deer and the car? Not so much. No, we didn't get to keep the deer, because my husband was not going to trek back down the highway in the dark to find it. So a new car is in our future, and our PT Cruiser is dead. *sniff* I loved that car. We put 160,000 miles on that baby in the 6+ years we had it. It brought both our kids home from the hospital. It came with us when we came home from our years in Washington.

If you want to know what happens when you hit a deer, here are pictures of our car.

  The engine casing is cracked.

The radiator is busted. There are hoses completely destroyed.

Not to mention the body work.

In sum, parts or labor alone would total the vehicle, and while the mechanic said he "could" get it running again, "it would die in about 10 miles" so it's not really fixable. Total bill would have been $7000+. We'll be getting a new car.

Also, just in case you're curious, here's how the insurance, etc went down. We have State Farm, so obviously I can't speak for other carriers. Our agent and his office are fantastic. The corporate people are less fantastic, but they do listen.

They had some communication issues with their sub-contracted tow company and the garage, and we had to intervene in to get the car to the mechanic. Fortunately the mechanic knew the guy that my dad and C hunt with (yay for small towns!) so that wasn't as hard as it could have been. If you are ever in the Sheridan, WY area and need auto work, I highly, highly recommend Xtreme Auto Body. The guy actually even covered the towing bill while State Farm's corporate (or whatever) office was trying to figure out their shit.

Anyway, once the car was at the garage, the shop made a list of what work needed to be done and how much it would cost. The insurance adjuster looked at that and at the car, and they made us an offer for the value. They calculated the value based on NADA and the features we had/didn't have. We had comprehensive coverage, and they subtracted our deductible ($1000) from the total they gave us.

So...for the moment, we're going to borrow my mom's car. Since she's in Hawaii for the next 6 months for work and doesn't need it.

P.S. C got his pronghorn and 2 (additional) deer, just like always, so we're set on red meat for the year.

February 12, 2012 - Leftovers

Here are two more pictures from my birthday party a couple weeks ago, that I hadn't posted yet.