Grief, in Retrospect: It Pours On, or RIP Beagle Butt

This post has been a long time coming, mostly because it's been too raw to sit down and write.

On October 11, 2015, we said goodbye to MacGyver. He was struggling again, as bad as before. It sucked a lot but C and I decided that we couldn't make him suffer any longer. We had really, really hoped we'd have him for more time, but it turned out that we only gained 10 days. I spoiled the crap out of him those 10 days, lots of snuggles and treats and love, but I was not ready to say goodbye.



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Looking at this, now... 2 1/2 years later.. still sad. Still deeply, achingly sad. But there's life beyond sadness. The dandelions are blooming again this spring, and we sigh and remember how MacGyver used to eat them like it was his job. He would get so annoyed that there were still so many to eat, so he'd take breaks and then go graze some more. He was a little asshole, but he was our little asshole and we loved him. The girls have stuffies that are beagles, and they are all named MacGyver. Even Little Cat C, who I don't think remembers him. Sadness is nostalgic now, but just part of life.

When it rains...

The transition between late September and early October was a rough one. Many shitty things happened at once, though in the grand scheme of things none were catastrophic and I feel like maybe I don't even get to complain because so many people are dealing with worse, but the fact remains that it was a really shitty 3 weeks. While C was hunting, our beagle got sick. It seemed that he aspirated something, but his breathing didn't improve over the next two weeks. The week C was hunting, I ran out of my meds because I just didn't have time to go to the pharmacy, and when I did go the doctor (for some unknown reason) didn't refill my meds for a year, but only for two months. So they gave me 3 days worth but it was a full week before I got back to the pharmacy. My OCD/anxiety were ramping up.

While my brain was in this state, I got totally slammed with sample processing my first 3 days back at work after the week off while C was hunting. As in 3 9 hour days with only 1 break to pump if any, and like 5 minutes for lunch. One of those days I had 3 blood samples to process- when I've asked in the past that no more than 1 blood happen at a time, maximum two per day, and I got 3 AT ONCE. And in the midst of this, I was informed that I was going to be consolidating my lab space in to *half* of what I've had for the last 8 years (which is ongoing, and the people moving in are apparently not getting what they asked for either and keep asking me for more space which I don't have to give). I was feeling really undervalued as an employee. During this time my dog was not really getting better, but he seemed okay. Stable.

My mom wonderfully was able to watch the kids while I was working late and C had to leave for work before I could get home. On Thursday of the week I was finally able to get my meds. Friday morning, on my way to work, I heard a (seemingly) harmless little "click" and the engine stopped. Of course. It was the timing belt. C came, we towed the Subaru home, and it sat there in the driveway til Tuesday when we got it towed to a mechanic. Fortunately I was able to get a ride with someone else on my floor at work who lives near me for the week we were down to one car, and my mom helped with the kids again. The mechanic informed us that we needed a new engine, the brakes needed maintenance, the power steering boot on the driver's side was torn, and oh, by the way, the clutch needed to be replaced too. The cost of all this? Well, we couldn't get a used car that would last 150K miles for this price, but damn. Not money we really had, but we did get the car back on Friday which was great.

Thursday night we noticed MacGyver was really struggling. He was lethargic and did not finish his food. I called the emergency vet (because, naturally, the regular vet had closed 10 minutes earlier). This earned him an overnight stay, medicine, and some Xrays. We learned that our 11 (almost 12) year old beagle has congestive heart failure, pneumonia, and possibly a mass on his liver (we didn't have $700 more to spend on the ultrasounds to confirm the mass and get a better look at his heart). He did get to come home on Friday evening, and we were all so glad to have him home. He's now getting better every day (and getting back to being a pain in the ass, which is wonderful).

Home!!

And now? Now I'm rebounding, but my soul is exhausted and wrung out. My mental state is muted. It's better this week but I'm still reeling from the ups and downs (mostly downs) of the last few weeks. I just need a break, but I'm treading water to stay afloat at work and there's no end in sight. I just hope the Universe is done fucking with me for a while.

Oh, and another fun note about something that *just* happened: one of the people at work informed me today that she took my desk phone into the cell culture room for my ENTIRE MATERNITY LEAVE. I realize that I've been back for 6 months, and cleaning/sterilizing my phone now is an empty gesture, but what in the ever-loving-fuck. Join me, won't you, in a massive full body shudder? And then this same person just left candy on the chemical bench. Which I've since thrown away, because there are just places that food NEVER goes.


On the upside, my garden (mostly tomatoes) went gangbusters this year.

Praying mantis! From my Mother's Day eggs, perhaps?

Tiny watermelon! We had to pick it early because a rabbit bit the stem through...

Most recent harvest

Edit: Oh, Universe. I see what you did there. PMS on top of everything? Lovely. And now, ladies and gentlemen, my first postpartum period.

Wednesday Weigh-in, Week...6

Yesterday when I weighed myself I was down again, to 143.6, which was 0.8 pounds below last week. However, my awesome husband made sausage yesterday (totally not a euphemism, I promise) so naturally, we had that for dinner, and the salt content put me back up to where I was last week. It was SO tasty though. ANYWAY. Stupid being so sensitive to salt/retaining water. . I'm going to count yesterday as my "official" weight, though. So that puts me at 5.2 pounds lost. I thought it would be more by now, but there it is. Total lost is 3.5%. But I've been kicking ass at getting my running/walking in, and I can now run almost a mile out of my 1.5 mile run with my dog(s). In the past week I've gotten in 11.3 miles, which is great. The dogs love it. Well, Athena loves it. MacGuyver makes his "fuck you" face when I make him run with me, even though he needs it at least as badly as I do. My shins have been sore (will these shin splints never heal completely?!) since my recent runs though, so I'm going to work on strengthening them a bit before I push too much more running.

MacGuyver's "fuck you" face

I know I'm losing weight, I know I'm losing fat (the more important thing). My clothes fit better, I feel better and more energetic. (I tried on a pair of jeans I got for really cheap at Target but hadn't tried on when I bought them, then couldn't button them when I got home, but they FIT!! I have a serious muffin top so I won't wear them yet, but I could easily button them and they were comfortable!!) Also, my skin is clearer! Yay!! Unless I binge on sugar, in which case I can expect a breakout in the next couple days. Bleh. 

I really, really, really need to stop slacking on weekends. I have got to keep tracking on Saturday and Sunday, because every time I don't I come off the weekend with a gain of a pound or two. I can usually lose it again by Wednesday but it's frustrating and probably not healthy to keep doing this.

After Our New Year's Walk

 

I took this after our walk on New Year's Day (you know, the fateful day when the stroller broke?). Anyway, everyone was pretty tuckered out and apparently the couch was the place to be! We were watching Good Eats if you were wondering.

My Mister Beagle-butt

Nine years ago we brought this hound home and named him MacGuyver. Yes, like the show. It is spelled wrong, I know, and I have only myself to blame. C got him for me for my 22nd birthday/Christmas present. We adopted him from a family who had gotten him as a puppy and had hoped to train him as a hunting dog. A duck hunting dog. If you are familiar with beagles at all, you likely know that they are traditionally rabbit hunters, and they prefer to avoid water unless they have absolutely no other option other than, say, death. I once carried MacGuyver into a lake up to my thighs just to prove that the water wouldn't hurt him. He swam back to shore and gave me what can only be described as a withering look. He will get his paws wet on very hot days but will not willingly get anything else damp. You might say he's a little prissy. You might be right.

I will likely write more about him in about a month when he turns ten. In the meantime, he's napping on my bed in the beagle nest he's made.

My Favorite Deals Round-Up

As spring approaches, and the urge to refresh the home encroaches (ha! I'm a poet!), I thought I would share some of my favorite ways to save money on small (and not-so-small) things, as well as some helpful things when getting rid of your stuff.

(This may or may not have been inspired by the fact that we've been cleaning and organizing our own house lately. Hard work but I am looking forward to the final result!)

Clothing, shoes (kids and adults), and household items:

I really like Zulily. They offer goods at discounted prices. Zulily offers shipping deals (i.e. pay shipping on your first order in a given 24-hour period, but all orders between then and midnight ship free). They also have awesome toy and book deals once in a while. If you haven't signed up yet, please use my referral links!

Zulily referral link.

Totsy is now Modnique Kids. I have no experience ordering from them yet, and they don't seem to have a referral program, but if you use it please comment below to let me know how it works!

Ink for your printers:

Use code sigler13 at 4inkjets.com for 10% off your order and free shipping on orders over $50. We've used them before and they are AWESOME. We got our ink like 3 days after ordering for way cheaper than buying it at the store. More details here: http://scottsigler.com/4inkjets-coupon-codes.

Pets:

Scott Sigler also has some awesome Petco coupon codes. Go to his site here http://scottsigler.com/petco-coupon-codes to access them!

Postal Services: 

Use code "KATG" for Stamps.com (click the microphone in the upper right at stamps.com) to get a $110 special offer, including a $50 value postal scale (5lb digital), $5 in free postage (with an additional $50 added if you stay past your trial period), and some postal labels. If you hate the post office and want to purge your house of things (i.e. selling your stuff on Ebay, or if you have a home business), this could seriously be a lifesaver. The mailperson will just pick up the stuff from your house! Note: this is a 4 week free trial. You will be charged $15.99 a month after your 4 week trial. You get to keep everything from your special offer even if you cancel, though.


Don't forget consignment stores and thrift shops! They are great ways to be green about your spending (or purging). Goodwill and Arc both take donations and turn the profits from sales around to do good in their communities, and they are great places to pick up furniture and clothes on the cheap. The Arc will come and pick up donations from your house, including furniture, if you call and let them know you have stuff. I am a HUGE fan of the Habitat for Humanity ReStore, which also takes donations and specializes in home-improvement materials, appliances, and large furniture. 

My beautiful light, from the ReStore!

My favorite consignment store for kid's stuff is Once Upon a Child. These kids grow like weeds, and it's so wonderful to take a bag of stuff once every few months (they buy gently-used clothes, shoes, books and toys), turn it into cash, and buy the kids some new, much-needed clothing! Even if they only buy 1/3 or 1/2 of the things I bring in, I still break even or better nearly all of the time. Plus they have stamp cards (at my local one, anyway) where for every $10 you spend or sell, you get a stamp, and then when you fill your stamp card (20 stamps) you get 20% off a future purchase. OUAC is a franchise, so individual stores may vary, but I've generally been very happy with them!

Consignment for adults is harder. I've shopped and sold to both Plato's Closet and the Clothes Mentor before, but I'm not actually fashionable enough to sell much to either. I do like shopping there, it's a great place to get almost-new stuff for 1/4 to 1/3 of the price of new! Plato's Closet caters to the teen crowd, so venture forth only if you're feeling prepared to fight off the teeny-boppers. Depending on the individual store (also franchised) they do offer 50% more cash when you redeem your goods in exchange for a gift card for the store.

Finally, we come to TradeSmart. I can't even tell you how much I love this store. It's got movies, books, games, etc, both used and new. You can sell books, games, music and movies (they even take VHS) to them in exchange for cash or a gift card (which allows you to get 50% more money for your trade). Plus, it's a brick-and-mortar book store, which is a wonderful thing. Also, every time I shop there, I'm all "Shop Smart. Shop TradeSmart."

Yeah. I know. I'm a dork.

Anyway. Happy cleaning!

I was not paid by and am not affiliated with any of the above for these comments. They are just awesome and I wanted to share!

October 9, 2012

The dogs don't really do so well when I say "sit" and then try to back up so I can take a picture.

October 7, 2012

MacGuyver, we really need to talk about this monkey on your back.

A Girl and Her Dog

MacGuyver is "my" dog. He's been very loyal to me ever since we adopted him when he was 11 months old, to the point where he sniffs me good morning every day and waits outside the bathroom for me. When J was a baby, he was pretty indifferent. He didn't want hugs or kisses from the baby, and would just walk away when J came too close for comfort (though he was a big fan of the high chair and its associated leavings). When L showed up, though, everything changed. "My" dog suddenly had a new girl in his life. He sits patiently waiting for her to finish eating every meal (which, considering he's a hound, is only notable for the fact that he's patient about it) and he has never gotten snippy when she got close to him while he cleans up after meals. He waits outside the kids' room while she is napping or while we are putting her to bed , and if he can he'll sneak in to sniff her and make sure everything is okay (regardless of which of us is in there, so it's not just about him checking on me). He lets her crawl on him and pet him and kiss him, and it is absolutely adorable. In her turn, she loves her "gog" and frequently wants to go "liggle" (tickle/pet) him.

Today, C called me to tell me that MacGuyver had snuck into the room while L was napping, laid down next to her crib, and took a nap with her the whole time she was in there.

April 7, 2012 - The Night Before Easter

An oldie, but I love it.

February 24, 2012 - Male Bonding

My boys!

February 3, 2012

Puppies looking outside longingly. I took a snow day today (this morning we had about a foot of snow...it's still snowing now, I think we've got about 18 or so inches.

January 18, 2012

This was unplanned, but I enjoy the fact that they are both doing the same thing!

Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful...

Ok, so it was actually warmer today than it has been in like 2 weeks, but the dogs must have been cold! (Yeah, I put the blanket over them, but mainly it was that I wanted the blanket and they happened to be in the dragging path.)

Mommy to the Rescue!

Athena has a penchant for eating stuffed animals. This is why the dogs do not own any stuffed toys; even the ones labeled "indestructible" last all of about 5 minutes in her capable, nit-picky jaws. Generally, she knows better than to steal J's treasured stuffed friends. Today, however, she targeted the Cat in the Hat as a suitable way to garner attention. J's indignant shriek caught my attention as he sat there next to her, unsure of what to do. I swooped in, scolded the dog, and, having examined the assaulted Cat and determined that all was well, returned him to his rightful owner. J, of course, grinned and happily clutched his rescued friend to his chest. Seconds later, Athena attempted to reclaim her stolen prize, but J indignantly pushed her snout away, still holding the Cat in a death grip.

Random Bits Of Cuteness

When toddlers attack...

A boy and his dogs

Hi, Mama!!

Keeping the hound company, though the hound doesn't seem to have noticed.

The Fitness Diaries

I went for a run with the dogs today for about 20 minutes, and I about died. I am seriously lacking in the physical fitness department. Whew. After the first half, Athena at least mellowed out but MacGuyver is a spaz and was seriously trying to sniff, pee, and trip me the whole time. I think my friend Becca is much more talented at running with 2 dogs than I am. However, I solved my bra problem: I wore an all-cotton VS bra (labeled 34D, but I'm pretty sure it's a B because the cup is waaay smaller than my other Ds...and I should have gotten a 34DD anyway, but I digress) with a sports bra over it. Ghetto, yes? It worked though! No discomfort.

I will persist! It has to get easier, right? And maybe someday I will be coordinated enough for a 30 minute run/jog with the jogging stroller and a dog or two, right? Maybe?

I am going to be doing some serious stretching and yoga-ing this evening. Maybe some crunches and push ups, depending on my level of enthusiasm and motivation. I am wearing super soft and comfy sweats that I went running in though, which I absolutely love. I could seriously live in these pants!


ETA: Full ab pyramid, 10 reps each, and 15 girly push ups before my arms gave out. Also, still weighing in at 130.5 pounds. :-p

Snow Day! And Misadventures in Dieting

Well, so it wasn't really a snow day. On Tuesday night, I did the entire Ab workout from the Knot. 10 reps each, but I did the whole pyramid! Yay me!

Yesterday:

No "exercise" per se, but we did get to make whoopie, which is also on my to-do list. :-D

I made cookies as a thank you for the neighbor and her friend who *very* kindly watched J this morning, and would not accept payment. He had a blast with the neighbor's 4 year old Aiden and absolutely loved Megan (the friend); all the adults involved have daycare experience and it looks like Megan will be a potential weekday morning babysitter for us when we need one! Yay!! She's absolutely great and J actually wanted to go back to her after C went to pick him up. Silly toddler baby!

I ate a fair number of the cookies we had left, but I don't really feel guilty about that, more disappointed in myself for not having more restraint. But when there's a blizzard roaring outside, I want comfort foods! And we don't have any hot cocoa, and cookies with coffee are a decent substitute. It's not like I do this all the time. Usually. *sigh* I am not anticipating having any more baking opportunities in the next week or so, so that should help a lot. I am going to do the ab workout tonight during Hell's Kitchen (LOVE that show!!) and then yoga afterward.

So, onto the snow. We've had a very blizzardy kind of day here in the Denver area...at one point they were estimating that we'd get about 18 inches. I think we've got about a foot at my house. J thinks it's pretty cool, though he hasn't actually been out in it yet because it was really windy. Tomorrow, if I get a snow day from work (which I am hoping for, but not looking too likely at this point) or maybe tomorrow after I get home I will take him out to experience snow, and I hopefully will get lots of cute pictures. The dogs are, of course, thrilled, because it's snow, and for two dogs that hate being cold and wet they really, really love the snow. Athena ran around like a complete idiot making figure 8 patterns all over the common yard area. MacGuyver just sort of jumped around a lot, but mainly stayed in my trail because he is lower to the ground and had trouble "swimming" in the snow. I got a picture of the snow that worked its way between our front door and the screen door (which currenly has glass and no screen parts), piled up on the doorknob and everything.

Also, here's a picture of the remains of Neith's web, made into art by the snow.I have even more admiration for her now, seeing how very strong her web is in the face of all the wind and snow.

I have finished listening to Anne of Green Gables and Coraline (boy was THAT a creepy book...) today, and am still working on the other books I'm reading.

I am definitely in a better headspace than I was yesterday. I've started (well, as of today) eating lunch with the clinic side of the lab, with whom I work more closely anyway. I just seem to "sync" better with them.

That was enough rambling for one night.

My dog climbs trees

One of our dogs is a basenji-whippet-lab mix (best we can tell, we figure one parent was a basenji and the other was a whippet-lab mix). She is gorgeous, and actually her nickname is Pretty Girl. I think she actually thinks that's her name, but she responds to Athena too, so maybe she just accepts her nickname. Anyway, as the shelter we got her from put it, she is "not small animal safe" in the least. She spends a good portion of her day looking out the window for bunnies and squirrels and cats that would be good to eat.

When we take her to the dog park, she invariably finds a tree to climb. Yes, that's right, a tree. She is very good at climbing up, usually between 2 and 6 feet off the ground, usually after a squirrel. However, the getting down part is not so easy for her. It generally ends with her either jumping gracefully or falling ungracefully out of the tree. As C put it, he never thought he'd have to tell his dog to get out of that tree.

Here is a picture of our Athena, testing out the boppy.
Here's one of both dogs, trying to fit in the same kennel (it is the hound's kennel). The "hound" is MacGuyver, he's a 3/4 beagle 1/4 basset hound mix. His nickname is "hound."