5 Weeks!

So.. not a baby bump yet, obvs. Just bloat like woah.

How Far along: 5 weeks. Seriously? Holy shit.

Baby size: About the size of an apple seed. 

Total weight gain: 0.8 pounds, but that's not really anything. I weighed that 2 weeks ago.

Maternity clothes: N/A, but this bloat is crazy and I definitely change my clothes as soon as I get home. Pressure on my belly isn't comfortable.

Sleep: I love sleep. Sleep is awesome. Dee has been sleeping all night the last few nights, so it's been nice. 

Best Moment this week: Watching C get happier about this pregnancy, and feeling better about it myself. Also, J asked me on Saturday if maybe we would be a family of 5 like the Berenstain Bears.


Movement: N/A

Gender: I can't imagine anything other than boy. He *feels* like a boy. I'm calling him Dr. Bunsen Honeydew for now (or just Bunsen).

Labor signs: N/A

Belly button: In, and expected to be in for the duration.

Cravings: Lemon curd, lemon drops, lemon bars, lemonade...lemon/lime lotion (not to eat, just to sniff), but if it's actually sour it is not good. Croissants, chai tea.

Aversions: the smell of pizza (ew), the idea of McDonalds (the first time I had nausea related to anything I couldn't actually smell was a McD commercial), and Bunsen does not like pears, or cheese (sad). I also can only do one cup of fully caffeinated coffee per day. If I have a second one in the afternoon it makes me all jittery and queasy. Sweet stuff that isn't lemony isn't very appealing either. Chocolate just doesn't taste right, and I don't really want to eat it.

What I miss: Food sounding good in general, my flat belly that I only had for a few weeks...And wearing the cute bras I literally just bought 3 weeks ago, because my boobs exploded again and now those don't fit.

Stretch Marks: No new ones.

What is different this time around: Still exercising, yay! And the lemon thing. I'm pretty sure I never craved lemon stuff with either kid. I also made it to 5 weeks not puking or feeling really sick, so YAY! So far nausea has been mild at its worst, and I'm hoping it stays that way. Also, when I was doing prenatal yoga last night, I noticed that I was able to do WAY more than when I was pregnant with Dee doing the same video. I am so much stronger and fitter, and I feel so much better about myself and my body!

What I am looking forward to this week: Getting my sample of essential oils that hopefully will assuage nausea/morning sickness when it arrives. More running, I'd like to get 6+ miles in again, and do prenatal yoga at least once in the coming week. 

Longing

I know, I know. I hate being pregnant. I ache, I puke for half of it, I have a reactive uterus so I have contractions for months.  I know. And yet.

And yet I feel the absence of a son. I want to adopt a child, still, but there is a deep yearning ache for a child born of my body. Both are meant to be mine, my children. As much as I dislike pregnancy I miss it so much. I ache to feel a baby inside, kicking.

It is worse now, while I'm fertile, but it persists. Stories of morning sickness, seeing maternity clothes, seeing or holding tiny new babies. Twinges in my core, twinges in my heart.

I must be healthier, take care of myself and get in good condition. Then pregnancy won't be so hard on me. Maybe. I hope.

From my pregnancy with Dee. I miss this...Not that old phone though.

A letter from myself, dated 12/4/2010

Hello, Future Tena.

It's me. I know that when you read this (again) J will be 5 and probably in kindergarten preschool, and Hush Puppy will be approaching 2. I just wanted to remind you that just in case your clock has started ticking again, you SO do not want to be pregnant again. C has probably already had a vasectomy, but don't get any ideas anyway.

I'm writing this at 19 weeks pregnant with Hush Puppy. I can't walk very long before my low back, hips, and groin start threatening to jump ship. I swear it sometimes feels like my pelvis is going to fall off. My boobs are already 34Gs (you'll have to let me know if they ended up getting bigger after the baby comes). My belly is constantly uncomfortably stretching, and it is hard to get comfortable when I lay down. I can't really bend over terribly far any more. I haven't gained much weight yet (about 2 pounds, I think), but this pregnancy is really hard on my body. I don't ever want to do this again, you hear? Also, the Braxton Hicks contractions have been hanging around and coming on strong a couple times a day. Fun, right? Oh, and sex? Forget it. It's not remotely enjoyable, which sucks because while I had no sex drive with J at least once I got going it was great. It's just really unpleasant and uncomfortable and leaves me aching afterward, and not in a good way. I haven't had an orgasm since...hmm. It's been a while. 

Anyway, I hope the kids are great and the dogs are great and that C is great and doing very well in his career.

Smoochies,
Me
12/4/2010

Update

We had our 36 week follow up on my low-lying placenta yesterday. It moved up a lot, now is 4.42 cm from the cervix! Yay for not having to schedule a C-section! Baby girl is way low, the tech had to push her head out of the way (a lot) to even get the measurement she needed because apparently my cervix makes a nice pillow. That and my bladder. L is measuring right about 6 pounds. I think we may have caught her right after a growth spurt last time since she's no longer measuring a week ahead, just right on. No pictures, but it was still neat to see her all curled up in there.

Then and Now- not too much difference, actually!

29 weeks with J

29 weeks with L

Today

Today is the last day I will ever be 26 weeks pregnant. I have 98 days left until my due date. That's 14 weeks. 3 months. My girl is over her growth spurt and is back to her crazy wiggly self, including kicking her brother in the butt last night which was pretty funny. I am making an effort to enjoy this as much as I can, because this is my last pregnancy.

Thankful

I am thankful that my daughter is healthy. No matter what pregnancy brings, I am thankful that she is healthy and whole.

An Amusing Mood-Killer

Blair's post here inspired me to share this story from last night.

Before I get started, I'm going to say that C finds me VERY sexy. All. The. Time. Pregnant or not. However, when I'm pregnant, and especially this pregnancy, I have absolutely less than zero sex drive. Generally I can sort of keep up and keep him satisfied, but we've seriously had sex like 3 times this entire pregnancy. Yep, I'm 23 weeks pregnant. You can do the math if you'd like, but it's not pretty. So anyway, last night, C and I were laying there in the dark, and I was starting to fall asleep, while letting my brain wander about childbirth and similar topics. C rolls over and asks me what I'm thinking about, so I tell him. His response?

"Well, I was going to try and seduce you...but not after that."

I think it's kind of funny, in a very sad way. I guess at least he didn't say my eyes were like a dinosaur's. Really, you should read Blair's post.

19 Weeks!

How Far along: 19 weeks, 4 days

Baby size: 10 inches including legs?

Total weight gain: +2 pound!

Maternity clothes: Pants, some shirts. 

Sleep: Yes, please. I love sleeping. I've figured out how to sort of sleep on my front which REALLY helps with my low back/sciatica pain.


Best Moment this week: The cookie exchange yesterday was pretty great. And we had a huge brunch with C's brother and his family, so that was really fun.

Movement: Yep :-)

Gender: I still think it's a girl, but it will probably be a boy. We find out on Wednesday!

Labor signs: N/A

Belly button: In

Cravings/Aversions: Peppermint + chocolate = yum. I actually craved spaghetti with meat sauce and it stayed down! Yay!

What I miss: (same as last week)Sleeping like a normal person. Wanting to have sex on a regular basis, and not having stupid ligaments and belly getting sore after sex...Also just not having a sore/achy lower belly most of the time.

Stretch Marks: No new ones.

What is different this time around: Way bigger than I was with J at this point. This baby is very different than J was, s/he is much more mellow and all about the subtle movements versus solid kicks. My cravings are also very different.

What I am looking forward to this week: More wiggles! Big ultrasound at 4:00 on Wednesday and I can hardly wait.

A letter to my future self.

Hello, Future Tena.

It's me. I know that when you read this (again) J will be 5 and probably in kindergarten, and Hush Puppy will be approaching 2. I just wanted to remind you that just in case your clock has started ticking again, you SO do not want to be pregnant again. C has probably already had a vasectomy, but don't get any ideas anyway.

I'm writing this at 19 weeks pregnant with Hush Puppy. I can't walk very long before my low back, hips, and groin start threatening to jump ship. I swear it sometimes feels like my pelvis is going to fall off. My boobs are already 34Gs (you'll have to let me know if they ended up getting bigger after the baby comes). My belly is constantly uncomfortably stretching, and it is hard to get comfortable when I lay down. I can't really bend over terribly far any more. I haven't gained much weight yet (about 2 pounds, I think), but this pregnancy is really hard on my body. I don't ever want to do this again, you hear? Also, the Braxton Hicks contractions have been hanging around and coming on strong a couple times a day. Fun, right? Oh, and sex? Forget it. It's not remotely enjoyable, which sucks because while I had no sex drive with J at least once I got going it was great. It's just really unpleasant and uncomfortable and leaves me aching afterward, and not in a good way. I haven't had an orgasm since...hmm. It's been a while. 

Anyway, I hope the kids are great and the dogs are great and that C is great and doing very well in his career.

Smoochies,
Me
12/4/2010

3 years ago last night...

C and I spent most of the night in L & D because J decided it would be fun to try and leave the party early. Fortunately he decided to stick around in there for another 5 weeks. Terbutaline did nothing for the contractions, I needed Procardia. The next day (so, three years ago today) was my baby shower. Good times!

Thus began my PTL experience...lots of timeable contractions, lots of Cramp Bark tincture over the next few weeks. Oy. I hope my body does better this time around, being in early labor for that long sucks ass.

Well, I guess *one* thing is the same

This is from my bio on the Nest/Bump, from my pregnancy with J:

Still sick at 11 weeks, and my gag reflex has been getting ridiculous. I gag sometimes for no reason, and sometimes when I am talking. 

My gag reflex is insane. I gag mostly while talking, though the other morning I gagged when I opened the fridge. I frequently have to pause mid-sentence in J's bedtime stories because I gag. I gagged while talking to C this morning before I left for work. Ah, the joys of gestating.

I Just Watched "Pregnant in America"

Every woman who has ever had, considered having, is going to have, or loves someone who is going to have a baby needs to see this movie. I have a lot more to say about this, but it will have to wait until tomorrow because if I don't go to bed now I am going to need to eat something and I don't really want to eat anything else today, and if I don't eat or sleep soon I will likely puke and I really don't want to do that. Anyway, see this movie. You won't regret it. I guess they have a website, too, www.pregnantinamerica.com, that is probably interesting.

To be continued...

Dream Babies

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. With triplets. Two boys and a girl, I believe. Most of the dream I was in labor. Good times, that. It was a really strange future-dream too, where the world was very different and dark and weird. Of course, the dream faded very quickly after I woke up.

Remembering Those Too Beautiful for this Earth

Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Take a moment to pray for and remember anyone who has lost a child. Many people around the country will be lighting candles tonight in honor of those babies too beautiful to live here on earth.

I am thinking today of my mother, of the sibling I never knew, of my sister and the niece or nephew I never knew. I am thinking of my sister-in-law D, and the two babies that she lost before she got her sticky baby that is currently kicking around in her womb.

I am thinking of EasJer and her perfect little Gabriel, born and gone before he was even physically able to breathe.

I hope that everyone who has lost a child can find some peace on this bittersweet day of remembrance.

21 Months

J is 21 months old today. Above is a picture of him reading in the car this week.

It's hard to believe that one year ago, he looked like this:


(Squeee! Look at that chubby little face! He was so bald! And his teeth weren't all the way in yet, and oh my gosh he was such a baby still! Yeah, I do get a little too into Halloween. I haven't gotten him Halloween socks yet this year simply because all the $1 toddler ones Target has are pretty girly, and they don't have any skull ones in his size)
And even harder to believe, TWO years ago, he looked something like this: (I had actually just had my glucose tolerance test, and would soon find out that I had gestational diabetes)


Ok so technically those are from my 32 week ultrasound, but that's way closer than my 19 week one, so there you go. Wow. He was throwing a fit in the bottom right picture, by the way. He really hated ultrasounds and things like that. He still makes that face when he's crying.

Grateful

I am so grateful that I have a healthy family. My son is growing and normal and healthy. My husband is supportive and handsome and talented, and also healthy. Our dogs are crazy, but neither seems ready to depart this world quite yet. My pregnancy was awful, but it was successful. I had morning sickness for 15ish weeks, but I didn't have hyperemesis. I had gestational diabetes but didn't have to take insulin. I had preterm labor but didn't have to be on bedrest. I was in early labor (contractions every 5-10 minutes constantly) for 2 weeks before my son was born, and I had an episode of bleeding that I am fairly certain was the result of a partial placental abruption, but my baby didn't die. I had 2 failed epidurals when the time finally came, and pushed for 2 1/2 hours, but didn't have to have a C-section. I lost about 1.5 liters of blood (roughly 1/4 of my blood) during labor and delivery (also supporting my theory of abruption), but I didn't need a transfusion or a hysterectomy, and I didn't die. My son didn't die.

I have not lost a baby, and I desperately hope I never do. My sister has lost a baby, and my sister-in-law has lost more than one. I hope that neither loses another, and I wish there was a way to ensure that no-one would ever experience the pain of loss.

I am grateful, Universe, for what I have, and what I have not, experienced. I am grateful for my life and the lives of my family members, those born, those yet-to-be-born, and those who've already gone home. I am grateful that I have had such a positive breastfeeding experience. I am grateful for my marriage and my husband, without whom I don't know where I would be. I doubt I would be in as good a place as I am now. I am grateful and humbled to be the mother of the happiest boy in the world.

Things I Miss, and Don't, About Being Pregnant

I know that I am getting closer to ready for baby number 2, since the thought of being pregnant, and morning sickness, and a risky delivery no longer scare the bejeezus out of me. I do still worry about my next delivery, wondering if I will have the massive hemorrhage that I did with J, but hope that the placental abruption was a one time thing.

Things I miss are feeling those first little kicks and jumps, and then the later rolls. Seeing the heartbeat, and my baby, on an ultrasound for the first time. Watching my belly grow, and making fun of my freaky belly button which never even flattened out, just got really small like a teensy star. Feeling the kicks from the outside, playing with him during meetings and talks. Knowing that I was going to have a baby after so many years of longing but waiting. Hearing the heartbeat on the doppler. Being spoiled rotten by my husband.

I do not miss the morning sickness (all day nausea, daily puking), meat aversion for 18 weeks. Having to sleep elevated, on my back, for the first 15 weeks so I wouldn't gag. The lack of sex drive. I do not miss my boobs getting ridiculously big (started out as Ds, went up to Fs, then after my milk had settled they were Gs. They still haven't gotten back to a D). I do not miss the stupid comments from strangers at work. Gestational diabetes. Contractions 5 minutes apart regularly from 33 weeks onward. Sciatica. Being uncomfortable for the last 5 weeks. Having to pee all the frickin' time. Hormones running amock. Heartburn.

I hope I will be ready to have a second child in another couple years. I think I will. I'm actually starting to get excited about it...

My Pregnancy With J!

We had been TTC from January to March of 2007, and decided to take a break once I got a new job so I would be eligible for FMLA. Well, as they say, even the best-laid plans of mice and men sometimes go astray. I was charting using fertilityfriend.com and got a really nasty chest cold with a fever in the first part of my cycle, so I couldn't really tell when I ovulated. However, since I was past CD20 we figured we were "safe" and had sex, and the next day my temp dropped back into pre-O, pre-fever range. I got pregnant on CD28, and we were thrilled to be expecting. It was a little scary at first, but soon my excitement overcame my apprehension. DH was actually less nervous than I was! Our little boy is due January 17, 2008.



Symptoms: Starting around 9dpo I had a runny nose (definitely not allergies). I constantly felt "wet" and had creamy CM, and when checking my CP I noticed that my cervix was really tender. I also had achy AF-like cramps from 9dpo-ish onward. My sense of smell went nuts (I swear I could smell DH's breath from across the room, and it wasn't even bad breath!). I noticed that I was really thirsty, and also chocolate chip cookies I made at about 12dpo just tasted weird to me but DH said they tasted just like every other batch I'd ever made.



Morning sickness: Started at 5 weeks on the nose...in the middle of the night. I have been consistently fine in the morning and sick at night. So much for "morning" sickness! Still sick at 11 weeks, and my gag reflex has been getting ridiculous. I gag sometimes for no reason, and sometimes when I am talking. By 13 weeks, it has mostly tapered off, but I still feel barfy sometimes in the evening. I was throwing up one to two times a week til 15 weeks, but after that it was gone! Well, just about. I did throw up once at 18 weeks, too.


Landmarks: Felt baby at 14w1d. Woke up at 15w3d with a belly, and really popped during week 15/16 transition (at least I think so, see pics below). Big u/s at 19w, it's a healthy boy! Penta screen came back normal. Baby James really hates the doppler. At 13 weeks he wouldn't even sit still for it, so I got a bonus u/s to see the heartbeat. At 17 and 21 weeks he spent most of his time kicking or punching the probe before we could hear the heartbeat. DH first felt him move at 23weeks, 2days, but I'd been able to feel him on the outside for a while, he just always quit kicking when his daddy tried to feel. At 28 weeks, I was measuring 5 weeks ahead (vs 25 weeks, measuring 26) and I failed my 1 hour glucose test. At 30 weeks I was measuring 34 weeks. A quickie u/s confirmed my suspicion that DS is head down. I took my 3 hour GTT at 31 weeks on the nose and the next day was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I will be working with an endocrinologist, as well as sticking to the South Beach Diet to control the GD. Hopefully I won't have to take insulin. 


33w1d, Nov 30: Our "practice" trip to L&D! I started having contractions at 4:30 pm that were 6-10 minutes apart, lasting at least 30 seconds. When I got home from work I tried drinking a liter of water, peeing, laying down, eating, taking a shower and taking a bath, and they would not stop. Instead they were getting closer together and a little stronger. I called the midwife on call at 8:30 the first time, and the answering service paged her for 2 hours. Turns out they were paging the wrong MW. When I did finally get in touch with the correct MW at 10:30, my contractions were 4 minutes apart lasting an average of 45 seconds and they were starting to hurt a little. We were instructed to go to the hospital, where we were sent up to L&D. They took a urine sample to rule out a UTI (which I didn't have), and hooked me up to the monitors to just watch things for a little while. Baby J really hates the doppler/fetal monitor, which is no surprise since at 13 weeks he wouldn't even sit still for it, so I got a bonus u/s to see the heartbeat. At 17 and 21 weeks he spent most of his time kicking or punching the probe before we could hear his heartbeat. So our time in L&D was punctuated by lots of him kicking the hell out of my ribs during and between contractions, and punching the fetal monitor. At about midnight I got my first shot of terbutaline and they did a Fetal Fibronectin Test (FFT). The terbutaline gave me the shakes and sent my heartrate from 75ish to 95ish. It was awful stuff, and it really didn't do anything for the contractions other than maybe slow them down a teeny bit. About 45 minutes or an hour later I was given another shot of terbutaline, which shot my heartrate up to 120. My heart monitor did not like that and beeped a lot. All the while the baby was still kicking the crap out of me. The second shot of terbutaline did about as much as the first, and made me even shakier. We finally got the results of the FFT, which were negative (meaning a very low chance of preterm delivery). The next day was my  baby shower, so we went home at 4am and slept until 11am, when I got up to go to my shower.

33w3d: We started the nursery!

34w4d: I am finally measuring right on! The baby has now dropped. I didn't really notice other than an odd buzzing/vibrating sensation in my pelvis at 34w, and suddenly my mid-belly panel pants stay up (before the panel would roll down). Since finding out that I've officially dropped, I notice that I waddle and I have to pee more frequently (though DH won't admit that I waddle, he even said that if he thought I was, he wouldn't tell me).

35w5d: Measuring 4 weeks ahead again. Boo. And now my contractions are painful, wahoo! At least it's a good excuse to practice my breathing. We may have a baby before New Year's, since my MW said that they likely wouldn't stop labor at this point since I'm so close to 36 weeks.
 
36w2d: Labor has begun! I had a really scary thing happen today where I was timing my painful contractions and felt something leaking, ran (ok, waddled really fast) to the bathroom and found that my panties were soaked with bright red blood. We went to the hospital and everything is fine, the bleeding stopped within about an hour. Plus, I'm a fingertip dilated. My contractions have remained fairly consistent (max. 15 minutes apart). The MW says that the cause of my bleeding is most likely a pocket that was formed when my placenta moved up, and when I started dilating it all came gushing out. My MW said I am in early labor, so most likely the baby will be here within the week.
 
37w2d: Still no baby, still in "early" labor. Dilated to a "loose" 2cm. Started losing my mp (still losing it at 37w6d...apparently you make more as you lose it. Fun, eh?) Also got stretch marks and what seems to be the appearance of PUPPP this week. Measuring 41 weeks at 37w6d.
 
38w4d: HAD THE BABY!!! See this post for my birth story.


1st Trimester: (Weight gained/lost is total gain/loss relative to original pre-pregnancy weight)
Weeks 1-4- Month 1 - COMPLETE! (135 pounds, +/- 0 pounds)
Weeks 5-8- Month 2 - COMPLETE! (-2 pounds)
Weeks 9-13- Month 3 - COMPLETE! (-3 pounds)

2nd Trimester.
Weeks 14-17- Month 4 - COMPLETE! (+3 pounds)
Weeks 18-21- Month 5 - COMPLETE (+8 pounds)
Weeks 22-26- Month 6 - COMPLETE (+15 pounds)

3rd Trimester:
Weeks 27-30- Month 7 - COMPLETE (+16 pounds)
Weeks 31-35- Month 8 - COMPLETE (+17 pounds)
Weeks 36-40- Month 9 - COMPLETE (+18 pounds at 38 weeks/delivery)

 


 

16w1d. I think I popped! Several people have commented on my new belly! (Pardon the messy messy bathroom....)

  

18 weeks...DH is much taller than me so the angle makes my legs look really funny... (and Athena the attention whore!)

29 weeks 5 days. Holy belly!

The night before delivery (38w3d)