Hazy Afternoon

Reflections on the Weigh In

My starting weight last week (Thursday) was 150. I got slammed with a head cold and Valentine's day and massive family party, and I managed to get in 5 1/2 miles of walking/running. I met my calorie goals (tracked in Sparkpeople) every day that I tracked (I don't think I tracked all of Friday or Saturday).My weigh in this morning was 148.4! (This is 1.06% lost this week, which I am only calculating because it's part of my check-in for the Fitness Challenge.)

Considering my weight last Monday (2/10) was 148.8, I am making progress, but slowly. I need to make sure I don't repeat this gain 1-2 pounds and lose it every week stasis that I've been in. Upon entering those weights, I realized that my weight January 10 was 148.4. This is really frustrating! But at least I am paying more attention, and holding myself more accountable. I am feeling physically better, even if the scale isn't reflecting a damn thing. Yet. I am going to get more mileage in, especially after my discovery that Starbucks/Trader Joe's is a 1.6 mile walk and I can do it in 25 minutes. I think if I just make my afternoon coffee run a walk to Starbucks for a latte I can get in 1.6 miles each day that I can't work out at home (due to C being at rehearsals/gigs/etc on some weeknights). Plus the latte is way tastier than what I get at the cafeteria here for drip coffee, for like $0.75 more. Good deal, really.

This whole thing is really helping me realize what I need to do to take care of myself. I did make the discovery last week (on V-day) that Hershey's kisses are crack bombs. Eat just one of those suckers and there's an instant craving for like 10 more. Eat one piece of quality chocolate, and I'm satisfied. My conclusion? Junk food chocolate is just that: junk. If I want chocolate, I'm going to get the good stuff and be happy with less.

I did do another 1.5 mile walk this afternoon for my break. It turns out that it's 1.5 miles to Starbucks, not 1.6. That extra tenth of a mile must just in crossing the street! Anyway, here's a funny from when I went to enter the latte I bought in Sparkpeople. Incidentally, yes, I do prefer my lattes to be nonfatal.

Squee!

Trader Joe's has arrived! Yay!

I walked there and back during lunch today. 1.7 miles in 27 minutes. Not too shabby, huh? I didn't buy anything because the line was too long but I did stop by Starbucks (across the street from TJ's) for a latte. I'm feeling pretty good about the check-in tomorrow morning.

Universe, You Shall Not Win!!

So the Universe is trying to tell me something. I was all set to do my yoga video (that's right, I said video, we're old school like that) last night (PM Yoga, I love it) and couldn't find the plug for the VHS rewinder. Which we need, because our VCR eats tapes if you try to rewind with it. I entered a rage-filled frustration zone where I tore apart the house for like 30 minutes trying to find the damn plug (you can see, maybe, part of why I needed to do this soothing yoga...) So finally at like 10:30 C gets home from rehearsal, and finds the plug. I rewind the tape, insert it in the VCR. The VCR promptly eats the tape. Alrighty then. No more VHS for us, the VCR has gone all Donner Party on us and is going to eat anything it can, whether or not we try to rewind in it. So... I still need to do yoga. More than before, because this event has only increased my agitation and keyed-up-ed-ness (it's a word, I swear). C suggests I check the internet. No streaming yoga on Netflix (though it seems to me they're missing something with that), and to get my treasured program on YouTube I have to pay $4. I don't think so, Internet, you will not trick me!! I didn't find anything else satisfactory on YouTube, so I put on a meditation CD and made up my own PM Yoga. I felt SO much better, even though I maybe only spent 10 minutes and probably did some of it wrong. I went to sleep and figured morning would be nice.

Dee, in the meantime, woke up twice last night. 3 times if you count the time I allowed her to finally come snuggle and nurse. I woke up with a splitting headache (seriously, who crammed my head with cotton and clamped it in a vise-grip?) and a head cold. UGH.

So the Universe is trying to foil my plans to be healthier. I will not be so easily defeated, dastardly foe!!

A Return to the Fitness Diaries, with Accountability

As I have mentioned, I have a goal of running/walking 300 miles this year. So far I've done 9ish. I'm also trying to eat better, which isn't too bad but I do need to hold myself accountable for everything I eat. This just brings awareness to what I'm eating, so I can be mindful of what I put in my body. So far I haven't lost any weight, but I also haven't been very diligent.

Well, I just joined a fitness competition with Bigg Anklevitch of the Dunesteef. Every Wednesday, I have to weigh in and share my results, good or bad. I am really hoping this is the kick in the butt I need to get going with getting in shape. I'd like to lose 28 pounds, which is kind of a lot, but really just gets me back to slightly more than I weighed when I got married, and hopefully accomplish this by my 10th wedding anniversary. See how that weight sneaks in? 2-3 pounds a year, every year, doesn't seem like a big deal... until you hit 10 years out and realize that you have gained a LOT of weight in that time when you add it all up. Yes, I have had 2 kids, and I did weigh 135 when I got pregnant with J. But then I was 140 when I got pregnant with Dee, and here I am. I never got back below 140 after she was born (for long). Now I'm at 148. I know, some of you are probably thinking that I have nothing to complain about, that I am not overweight, etc. I am only 5'2" tall, which, at my current weight, puts me in the overweight category. I just want to get back down to the middle range of normal BMI.

My goal with this is not focused so much on the weight loss, but more on the actual physical fitness aspect. I want to be able to live a long and happy life, and I want to be able to run and play and hike and clean and fix up the house without being dead exhausted and in pain. So here I go.

Wish me luck. Lots and lots of luck. Because this weekend is Valentine's Day, and our annual family January-February-March birthday party. And today was one of my bosses' going away parties. So there's lots of junk food in my future, and I am going to try my damnedest to make the healthiest choices I can.

(Side note: I discovered that walking up and down the stairs for 10 minutes at work is a decent way to get in a mini-workout, and if I do it every day the exercise adds up.)

Currently I am...

appreciating My two beautiful, healthy children.

reading A Visit from the Goon Squad, Lorna Doone, and A Prayer for Owen Meany. 

listening to Pseudopod, episode 369.

tasting Big Red gum. A change from my usual mint that isn't peppermint. 

learning to slow down and breathe and live in the moment, because life chances in a heartbeat. 

noticing the sunshine outside, and the dull throb in the finger I jammed this weekend.

anticipating the arrival of our new range on Wednesday, an evening hosting a friend for dinner, my birthday next week

working at chipping away at the mountain of data in front of me.

making the best of what I have.

watching C play Brutal Legend (because it is the awesomest game EVAR and it's like watching an interactive movie).

accepting that I have no control over most things in the world, and that my daughter will probably continue to request her morning snuggles in my bed for a while yet.

organizing our basement and finances so we can send Dee to preschool in the fall.

planning updates to our house so we can sell it and buy a bigger house with a yard in a year and a half or so. 

loving my family, even when they make me completely crazy.

buying only what we need. It's a re-training thing. I used to be really good at it. 

finishing my second cup of coffee (well, I will be soon, anyway).

embracing the shape of my body.

daring to speak my mind. 

I got the idea for this listy post from Beth Anne. If you haven't read her blog, you should. It's the comfort of a chat with dear old friend at it's finest, but in a blog.

A Ladybug in Winter

The Miracle of Beerika

Once upon a time (late fall 2007), C bought some Sam Adams Utopias. He gathered his brothers and our fathers together, each contributing what he could, so they could purchase the bottle and share in the drinking of this unusual brew. Once it was divided as planned, C poured out the remnants into a small glass for himself, thinking it was the last drop he'd taste.

The next day, on a whim, he tipped the empty bottle over a glass. To his utter shock, a measure of beer trickled out! He gladly savored this, surely the final bit he'd get.

The third day, reasoning that it had worked before, he again tipped the empty bottle over a glass. Again, there was beer to be had! It was truly a miracle. Alas, this was the final quantity, but what joy at the miracle we had witnessed!

In honor of this miracle, C decided we should ever after (in early January) celebrate the Miracle of Beerika (so named, because, like Hanukkah, this occurred over multiple nights).

Each year thereafter, beginning in early 2009, we have celebrated Beerika with friends and family. A feast is prepared and beers are paired with every course, from appetizers to cheese to dessert.

This year, the sixth that we have celebrated, C had some fun with 3D glasses and a 3D-esque beer label.

We ended the night with Cards Against Humanity (proving that we are all truly depraved) while the kids watched Pokemon. It was glorious!

Poor Little Sickie

Poor Dee is sick. She's got a head cold and her little upper lip is just raw. She cries when she sneezes, when her nose runs, when we wipe it, and just because she doesn't feel good. So J and MacGuyver kept her company to watch My Little Pony.

J isn't actually sitting on the dog. It looks like that, but he's not. MacGuyver is patient but not that tolerant!

Longing

I know, I know. I hate being pregnant. I ache, I puke for half of it, I have a reactive uterus so I have contractions for months.  I know. And yet.

And yet I feel the absence of a son. I want to adopt a child, still, but there is a deep yearning ache for a child born of my body. Both are meant to be mine, my children. As much as I dislike pregnancy I miss it so much. I ache to feel a baby inside, kicking.

It is worse now, while I'm fertile, but it persists. Stories of morning sickness, seeing maternity clothes, seeing or holding tiny new babies. Twinges in my core, twinges in my heart.

I must be healthier, take care of myself and get in good condition. Then pregnancy won't be so hard on me. Maybe. I hope.

From my pregnancy with Dee. I miss this...Not that old phone though.