Friday, August 31, 2012

August 31, 2012 and Its Associated Muddle

Everything is speeding past me. I feel like I'm caught in some kind of vortex. I'm caught up at work, but somehow I feel like I'm grasping at rapidly flying objects and unable to get ahead in life. That isn't how it is in reality, it's just how I feel.

My children are fine. I'm healthy, C is healthy. I just can't get my heart out of the downward spiral.

Someone (jokingly) yesterday said something about being able to leave your kids on the balcony of a nearby apartment so you could watch them while you were at the bar (we were at happy hour), and then another friend pointed out that you could see when they climbed over the rail and fell so you'd know you were about to be arrested for child neglect. As soon as the words "climbed over the rail" were out of her mouth I could picture L falling, falling....and my spine crawled and my heart raced and I had to redirect my thoughts immediately or ohmygodiwasgoingtocry.

I feel like I haven't been taking my meds, but I HAVE. I take that damn Zoloft every morning. I haven't missed a dose in at least 2 weeks, and that was only 1 day and wouldn't still be affecting me. I can still redirect myself but I still feel quiet and melancholy and grief-stricken inside. I have dreams about my dear friend in which I try to figure out which tattoo to get to remember her (interestingly, these dreams also prominently feature my younger sister who was extremely close with Kristen). Maybe I'm just still grieving. I know it's only been a few weeks, it's entirely possible.

I also am still bleeding/spotting from the Mirena I had inserted at the end of July. That was exactly one month ago today, actually. I've had 2 days where I wasn't either spotting or bleeding. *Whee.* From what I understand things should be getting better soon, and then hopefully no more periods at all (or at least, very light ones). We shall see.

I don't even particularly feel better having gotten all this out. I think I just need the upcoming 3 day weekend to get here so I can rest and relax and do some crafts. I've been feeling twitchy and compulsive lately, which is also not necessarily a good thing. It's not this bad yet, but it's still not a picnic.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012


I've been debating putting my blog up on Facebook. Hmm. If I did this, several things would happen.

1. Potentially, my family would see it. As would coworkers. Possibly even read it. Including my previously mentioned BSC* family member. And his offspring.

I don't use names. Just initials (if that). So *technically* I don't identify them. However, it's pretty obvious who is who, and I won't be able to bitch about family or coworkers here anymore. 

2. I might get more readers, which would be good, but I might come off as jumping on the bandwagon and so on. What makes me think I am worthy of being a blog on Facebook? I don't know. I feel like I am a little behind the times since my blog doesn't have a Facebook page, but I don't feel worthy.

3. It might encourage me to blog more. Maybe. Don't know for sure.

Hm. I guess that's really only one sort of negative thing. Thoughts?



Monday, August 27, 2012

August 27, 2012 Sunrise Over the City

There are some advantages to getting to work before dawn once in a while.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

all® mighty pacs™ Giveaway!

We do lots of laundry in our house. I imagine that most families do, especially those with small children. As a result of this, a large chunk of space is devoted to the whole laundry process, including our diaper detergent, our regular detergent, our dryer sheets, the vinegar for rinse cycles, the baking soda for odor and stain lifting, the spot remover spray...anyway. Anything to help simplify the process is appreciated, and when the people at all® and MyBlogSpark asked me to do a review and giveaway, I was happy to participate.

C does most of the laundry (being a work-at-home-dad), and neither one of us has the time (or energy!) to go through every single piece of laundry (especially the kid's stuff!) and spray to remove stains before washing. The all® mighty pacs™ contain super concentrated detergent with stain lifters, so there's no need to spray anything. We have used all® free clear detergent in the past and we already were fans, but I don't generally buy any scented detergents. We received a sample of original scent all® mighty pacs™  and tested those first. I have been looking for that scent (sniffing for that scent?) for years. I dated a guy in high school whose mom used it, and ever since then I've LOVED the smell of that detergent but I had no idea what brand it was! Well, now I know.  Heaven, I tell you. Anyway, if scented isn't your thing, the "free clear" ones work wonderfully as well. The detergent is super easy to use- you toss one pack in for small loads, and two in for large or heavily stained loads (kid clothes, anyone?). Because the pacs come in a bag (resealable, of course) and are 100% dissolvable, there is minimal waste so they are eco-friendly too. 

We are very happy with how well the detergent works. The scent is not overpowering and lasts a long time. I was a little skeptical because the detergent inside seems so watery (unlike other all-in-one pacs I've seen, which seem very gelatinous), but they work very well to clean and remove stains.  It removes stains as well as the spray we were using which saves us some serious time!

You can explore below for a $1 off coupon and some more information, too.You can print the coupon twice, and there is a Target coupon available as well, so you can save even more!

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In addition to the two full-sized bags of all® mighty pacs™, we received a beach ball (which the kids have been playing with pretty much nonstop...), a beach towel, and a laundry bag (which actually is a great size for a wet bag for our diapers, I may be testing it out for that purpose).

Now, the part that you've been waiting for!

I'm giving away one prize pack consisting of:
  • all® mighty pacs™
    • One 24-count of all free clear mighty pacs
    • One 24-count of original mighty pacs
  • Reusable laundry Bag
  • Beach Towel
  • Beach Ball

How to enter:
Mandatory Entry:
Leave a comment on this post telling me your least favorite household chore. You must include your email address in your comment, preferably in this format (to keep spammers from getting your info with their spambots): mamasmockingbird at gmail dot com.

Optional/bonus entries (up to 7):
You may do one (or none) or all of these, just make sure you leave a comment each time to let me know you did so. You only have to include your email address with your first entry, but please leave your name with each comment so I can figure out who is who!

1. Follow my blog, or, if you already do, let me know you do. 
2. Share your favorite laundry trick or tip to make your life easier
3. Blog about this giveaway, and link directly to your blog post. 
4. Follow me on Twitter (@simplytena) and leave a comment with your Twitter name; if you already follow me, just let me know.
5. Tweet about this giveaway (include @simplytena in your tweet), and link directly to your tweet.
6. Share this on Facebook and leave a comment telling me you did so. For privacy's sake, you don't have to link to your FB post.
7. Like all® on Facebook and leave a comment saying that you did so.

That's all! This giveaway will run until September 3, 2012, at 11:59pm MDT.

Disclosure:  The information, products and additional all mighty pacs gift pack was provided by all® through MyBlogSpark. I was given these so that I could review and give away a prize pack, but opinions expressed here are my own and cannot be bought. 

August 26 - Go Broncos!

In honor of the last pre-season game, I give you some adorable (phone camera) pics of L:

She is wearing her "fancy shoes" which she ADORES and calls her "cee shews."

Saturday, August 25, 2012

August 25, 2012 - Homework

J's first homework assignment. *sniff* My boy is growing up! I helped put the glue on where he told me to, but he did everything else.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

August 21, 2012

He's been in a phase where this is his favorite picture face. Hmm.

Monday, August 20, 2012

August 20, 2012 - One of The Boy

Here is one of J from the party, in one of his favorite shirts.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Saturday, August 18, 2012

August 18, 2012

L had some fun at her cousin's birthday today! I promise, she wasn't just serious all day!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

August 16, 2012

J's last day of daycare was today. They went to the zoo to see the new elephant exhibit. The teacher sent me this picture she took of J and one of the little girls. It just melts my heart!

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Thoughts on a Hazy Morning

Look, the Rockies disappeared!

It's 8:30 and I'm on my second cup of coffee for the day. No surprise there, given how *fantastically* well we slept last night. The sky is hazy, the sun was red as it came up. We were wondering if there was a fire somewhere, other than the ones in Washington. It took my friend and I over an hour to get to work this morning because there was an accident on the freeway.

I forgot to take my meds this morning. I've been depressed anyway, my friend's death sent me into a downward cycle and I find myself lacking motivation, lacking in energy, just plain lacking. I'm tired, deep down to the bones and back tired. Spiritually tired. I need a vacation. I will get one in a month, when C goes on his annual hunting trip, but that's a month off.

J starts preschool next week. I'm happy and sad at once, my baby boy is starting school. He won't be done for *at least* 13 years, no including college.

Happy Tuesday, I guess. Hope it's a good one!

Late Night Musings

L is apparently sick. C says she's teething but I have my doubts. She has woken more times than I care to count in the past 3 hours (has it only been 3 hours?). We've also managed to lose all 8(ish) of her pacis. I woke C up and he found one under the recliner. Fun times. I can hear her mobile now. Do you get to a point where you just give up on the idea of sleep? I have to get up in just over 4 hours. I have not actually managed to fall asleep yet, between being hot and being woken by a crying baby every 20 minutes or so.

Fuck I'm tired. Goodnight.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

August 11, 2012 - Chokecherries!

Before the end of the season, we wanted to get some chokecherries. A friend of mine, J and I harvested chokecherries from some roadside bushes today. I'm glad we went today, had we waited another week I think it would have been too late! It was so fun, and J actually did pretty well for a 4 year old who lost interest kind of quickly. We explained that he wanted to come, so he was stuck with us and he didn't get to go home til we were all done.

We made chokecherry syrup and chokecherry jam with the juice. YUM.

*Should you choose to do this, do NOT ingest raw chokecherries. They are called chokecherries for a reason!!*

Thursday, August 2, 2012


Just that like, she's gone. I should have been a better friend. I should have actually gone out for coffee, an hour's drive be damned.  I should have made more of an effort and been less involved in my own little world. No sense in regrets now, I suppose. I'll just have to accept that I won't ever get to wish her a happy birthday next month, or hear her voice or get one of her tender hugs. My daughter won't get to meet her (why didn't I make sure she got to before now?) and my son will miss knowing a fun and gentle soul.

She was only 29, what happened? Where did she go? Why is that spark now gone, leaving behind only an empty husk? Yes, we'd drifted apart, but we'd never lost touch. Why isn't she still here? Why is there a (new) spot on my heart that has been coldly seared away? She was too young. She was healthy and happy (wasn't she? Did I miss something obvious?). It was a shock. Was she really missing or was she already gone and therefore (obviously) unable to answer her phone? WHY?

15 years of friendship and I'll never get to tell her how glad I am to know her or let her know I love her. Even if she hates Adam Lambert and I don't, and even if she loves Anime and I don't. Growing up would not have been the same without her. She used to call her birth control pills BQPs; she had a sticky note on her dresser mirror as a reminder to take them but didn't want her parents to know what the reminder was for. She loved all things Japanese. She introduced me to Cold Play ("Yellow" which I heard on the radio this morning, before I found out that she was gone) in the choir room over lunch. She was eager to lose her virginity. I never did ask her if it was all she had hoped. She teased me about drinking so much water. We took each others' picture making kissy faces. I have only one picture of her. It's a Polaroid; we doodled on it and she told me to keep it. I am glad I did.

She was the first person I told that I had been raped. She was a great listener. We once had a fight because she told my sister (also her friend) what I'd said about her, and my sister was upset (understandably) but it was all water under the bridge and we let it go. She came to my wedding. I'll never get to see hers.

We met up at Starbucks when J was a young toddler. I scolded her for texting while driving. She came over to watch The Last Unicorn and The Dark Crystal. We both love(d?) 80s fantasy movies, cheesy as they are. Once we binged on Oreos and milk and watched anime all night. I last saw her at my baby brother's senior recital. I should have spent more time with her.

This morning, I called my sister. I called my brothers. I called my mother. I called to tell them that our friend of 15 years had passed away. I called to tell them that I love them, because life is too short and unpredictable to leave important things like that unsaid.

Goodbye, Little Kristen. Namaste.