Longing

I know, I know. I hate being pregnant. I ache, I puke for half of it, I have a reactive uterus so I have contractions for months.  I know. And yet.

And yet I feel the absence of a son. I want to adopt a child, still, but there is a deep yearning ache for a child born of my body. Both are meant to be mine, my children. As much as I dislike pregnancy I miss it so much. I ache to feel a baby inside, kicking.

It is worse now, while I'm fertile, but it persists. Stories of morning sickness, seeing maternity clothes, seeing or holding tiny new babies. Twinges in my core, twinges in my heart.

I must be healthier, take care of myself and get in good condition. Then pregnancy won't be so hard on me. Maybe. I hope.

From my pregnancy with Dee. I miss this...Not that old phone though.