Six Months

Happy half birthday to my baby girl, my daughter, my serious and contemplative child. I can't believe it's been six months already! You've more than doubled your birth weight (though not by much!) and you are so strong and tall. You adore your big brother endlessly. You eat about 28-32 ounces of milk a day, lovingly supplied by yours truly. You wear 6-9 month sized clothes, though some of those are too short for you. You shoe size, if you were to wear them, is 2.

Length: 27" (90th Percentile)
Weight: 13lb 10oz (12th Percentile)
Head circumference: 38th Percentile

Cancer sucks.

My cousin lost her battle with inflammatory breast cancer today.

I love you Gail, I will always treasure the memories of you and think of you whenever I hear the Kinks. Or Donovan. Or eat Indian food.

I'm glad you're not hurting anymore, and that my son got to meet you. I'm sorry that my daughter never did.

Goodbye, and Namaste.

In which I go off on a long rant.

This post, in case you can't already tell, is going to be long and ranty, because, well, I am not amused. Before we begin, however, I'd like to share this photo.

I found it on Facebook, posted by a friend of mine, whom I know went to college. She captioned this picture as "Finally! Some truth in advertising." Y'all know my stance on vaccines and the whole "anti-vaccine" thing. I have to say that what we have here is some CVS employees that thought they were being clever, but really, were executing (haha) a massively poor setup in advertising their flu shots. Flu shots don't kill people. Having death holding the signs, while amusing, is not exactly the way to get people to get flu shots.

Now, onto my rant. My older brother is insane. He is disgustingly religious (I have no problem with people who have faith and a strong relationship with their chosen deity; just don't shove it down the throat of every person you meet) and for a smart guy, he's pretty fucking stupid and closed minded sometimes. He, for instance, wrote a whole book about how Prince Charles is the antichrist. Yup, that was my older half brother. I share DNA with him. *sigh* I actually have him and his family assigned to a group on Facebook entitled "Crazies" because then I can choose not to have them see things that I post, just so I don't have to deal with his bullshit sermon about my lifestyle. I have a number of other rants I could go on about this particular brother (including the time he told my younger sister and I, ages 4 and 5, respectively, that our parents were going to die and go to the fiery pits of hell because they were non-believers. That made for some fun nightmares), but today, I'll stick to this. Today, this brother commented on this article, and then chose to post his comment on Facebook. The article is about a teacher who was recently fired for making anti-gay statements on her personal Facebook page, attributing her stance to her Christian faith. All I am going to say about that is "don't be stupid, lady" but what's done is done, and if she didn't have the foresight to make her profile private, then that's her problem. I have no problem with her having been a teacher, etc, because presumably she kept her religious views out of the classroom just like the teachers I had growing up.

Anyway, my family member's response to the article (and presumably another commenter) was this:

The sodo-fascist and lesbian LGBT community must go. They will destroy this country from within, just like a cancer. Given that the governments in this country have by and large chosen to both sanction and defend such contrary-to-God-given-nature behavior as is displayed and promoted by sodo-fascists and lesbians, the only solution then is judgment from God Himself. And, of course, that is now coming, both from God and this country's enemies. It will be the natural consequence toward a country that has more than turned its back upon the only God of the Univierse, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. (Mr. Goldstein will be ashamed of his own thoughts, mouth, and conduct in days to come, and he too will face God's wrath, unless he repents and receives Jesus (Yeshua) as his Messiah and Savior.

 I cannot even describe how infuriated I was at reading this.  I can't say that I am too surprised, but the level of vitriol is just...wow. I have to ask, though, what the hell is a sodo-fascist? The only Google hit I got was this post, so I assume he made up the term, and that he is saying that sodomites are fascist? How does that even make sense? (C pointed out that fascist has come to mean "anything we hate" rather than actually referring to the political preference.) To imply that the LGBT community is a cancer, what the fuck. "THE GAY" doesn't spread like cancer. DISEASE spreads like disease. Cancer is killing my cousin and you have the balls to say that someone who is born with a different sexual orientation is like cancer? YOU BIGOT. I can't help but notice that he is condoning and promoting hate by saying that they "must go." Also, this paragraph that he wrote? That's pretty much the kind of crap that pours from his mouth at every.family.gathering. Thank goodness I only have to see him once a year.

Homosexuality doesn't come up often at our family gatherings, so I have never actually been faced with the level of his bigotry before. For someone who claims to be a "Christian" I can't say that these hateful words are at all Christian in spirit. He's reminding the internet that God will judge, but he's doing some damn fine judging himself. I almost don't want to allow my children around him. I just feel filthy and contaminated even being related to someone who can spew forth such poisonous words.

*deep breath*

Okay. Glad I got that out. Fuck, man.

Things I don't want to think about

1. My cousin Gail is in the hospital. She's been living with inflammatory breast cancer for a few years, but it looks like she's losing her battle. I don't want to think about it.
2. Money. Don't even want to think about it.
3. My baby not sleeping through the night, or even close. I am trying so hard not to hate resent all those people whose babies sleep and only wake up once or even twice a night. SO HARD.

Hey, I think I forgot my meds this morning. Whee.

24 Hours in My Life

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and wondering how I don't have time to do everything that I want to (including exercise, as mentioned previously). So I thought it might help to write down everything I do in a (typical) work day...

6:30am - Alarm goes off. Snooze alarm, nurse and snuggle baby (this may take until 7:30, depending on how hungry she is and how sleepy I am)

7:15 - shower, get ready, change baby and get both kids dressed, gather everything for the workday (breastpump, book, purse, water bottle, lunch, etc)

8:00 - leave for work (generally end up leaving between 8:15 and 8:30)

9:00 - 5:00 (ish) work - sometimes this is longer or shorter

6:00 - arrive home; if it's my turn to cook, then I cook, but in general we eat between 6 and 7

7-7:30 - Bedtime for baby! If it's a bath night, then bath time for J

8:00-8:30 - Bedtime for J

9:00 - Time to take the dogs out, pump, then work on writing or knitting/other projects or cleaning

10:00 - L wakes up, back asleep again by 10:15...(may nurse, may just want her paci)

10:30 or 11 - Get ready for bed

11:30 - L wakes up again. Say "screw it" and bring her to bed where I fall asleep while she nurses. She wakes to eat some more around 2 something and 5 something. I don't really wake up all the way to roll over and switch the side she's nursing on, but I do wake up some. Although if it's a night like last night, she will end up coming to bed with me at 12:30, and waking up every hour and a half to two hours because she wants to sprawl out and/or eat but doesn't want to be in her own bed.

6:30am: start all over again. This morning L thought it would be fun to play peek-a-boo with Daddy while we were all snuggling. It was pretty damn cute.

On a related note, J started yesterday with a song he made up entitled "Zombie up!" That seems to be the zombie equivalent of "cowboy up" and it works pretty well. With L's sleep schedule (ha!) I sure as hell feel like a zombie.

Weight Loss Update

Nothing new going on here, really. No gain, no loss. *sigh* Still 3 pounds away from shoes. Still nursing kiddo on demand, and going to start running one of these days. Which, at this rate, will be when L starts college.

Here's the breakdown so far (by weeks postpartum)

Starting weight: 161 (at 39w6d pregnant)

9 weeks (6/27/11): Return to work, weight 142

16 weeks (8/17ish): Weight 140! Reward: new nail polish

19 weeks (9/6/11): Weight 138. Woot!

25 weeks (10/19/11): Still 138.

Goals:
135 pounds (BMI 24.7): NEW SHOES!
130 pounds (BMI 23.8): Jewelery! (Like a new necklace and earrings)
125 pounds (BMI 22.9): Haircut! Maybe go all short and sassy again.
Ultimate goal: 120 (BMI 21.9, where I was when C and I got married)! Reward: $100 in new clothes (consignment or new, doesn't matter)

Note to self:
Make these.

http://floralshowers.com/sewing/ruffle-pillow-tutorial/

Fall Cookies!

I made these cookies this weekend, partly because I wanted to (ok, mostly because I wanted to, since I got some awesome new fall cookie cutters at Target in the cheapo bins. $2.50 for 6 cookie cutters? Yes please!) and partly because we had a family birthday party today, and I knew that everyone would like some cookies.

I am very proud of these. I am especially loving the owls, they were so much fun to make!. Also, they are SUPER yummy and super chocolatey.

The recipe for the cookies can be found at LilaLoa's blog, it's the End-All for Chocolate Cookies.The dough is almost satiny, it's probably my favorite cookie dough that I've ever used to make cutouts.

Food for Thought

Are you female? Go here. Read this. And stop being so darn hard on yourself! (And it doesn't matter if you are a size 6 or 16, the message is more or less the same.)



I was thinking (after having read the post linked above) about my slight frustration with weightloss this time around. I know, I've done well and have lost the baby weight, but I'm still hovering right at 2 pounds below pre-pregnancy weight. I have been clinging to a myth (I guess it's a myth) that I couldn't go running because my supply would tank. Well, that doesn't mean I can't walk, right? Except I haven't been. I haven't got a great excuse, other than that I like sleep, and getting up before 6:30 is not something I enjoy, especially when a certain baby still wakes up a few times a night (even cosleeping, though at least then I don't have to get up to feed her), and that by the time I get home it's 6:00 most nights, then we eat, put kids to bed, and I have time to craft or write or clean, and there we go, it's 11:00 and past my bedtime. Anyway. I should just put on my damn sports bra and RUN. I know the dog(s) would enjoy it, and probably be less of a pill at home. After googling, I found this article about the basics of breastfeeding, specifically nutrition, exercise, and allergy stuff. INTERESTING, let me tell you. Turns out I can exercise while nursing, just go after feeding the kid and watch carefully for clogged ducts.

So...maybe I can do this. I think I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed with all the stuff I'm trying to do lately- making L a blanket for Christmas (or her birthday), making kids' Halloween costumes (or accessories), making birthday gifts, working on stuff for Etsy, working full time, making pretty sugar (or chocolate) cookies for work and for family parties, in addition to having to get the house ready for Fall (HA! not so much... the dining room is semi-decorated, at least) and do some cleaning and taking care of the dogs and the kids. Oy. I'm tired after just writing that. And did I mention that L *still* isn't sleeping through the night? Maybe we were just spoiled with J, who at this point would sleep in his crib the whole night, waking up maybe once to eat. I've actually brought L back into bed with us because frankly I prefer the extra few minutes of sleep to having her sleep in her crib and me get up every 2-3 hours all night.

Differences

J at 5 months:

L at 5 months:

Quite a difference in how well they sit up!! Also, WOW. He was sooo chubby compared to her! I can't believe he is so big now...*sniff*