Argh!

C is a musician, a bassist more specifically. He plays jazz, usually, but can play other genres if he so desires. Anyway, he was in the process of working with a local singer in trying to get a small group together for gigs, probably by next summer. If this were to work out, 10 gigs a month would replace my income and I could stay at home part time, and cut back my hours at work to half time(ish). Well, it turns out the singer isn't going to be able to do it after all. On top of it, we have no money. What else is new, right? Yeah...so we're going to try everything we can to get some money to make it through this month, but that's what we do every month. I am going to sell (hopefully) my MK inventory to another MK consultant, which will help somewhat, and we're going to sell our entertainment center. Between all this, somehow, we are going to pay our mortgage. Hmm. Not sure how that's working out, but I guess we'll manage. We are very fortunate that our mortgage is financed through/by my grandmother, since we bought the house from her, so payments are more flexible than they would be with a bank. I am just really frustrated and stressed about all this right now. But hey, at least my meds are working so I'm not fighting off a panic attack as well.

I'm also really not so thrilled with my job anymore. I mean, the people are okay but I don't really have any friends here. Well, I have one friend. I really don't have many friends in general, at least not that I see on any sort of regular basis (like more than once or twice a year...). It's really hard to have friends and do stuff with them when you live far away from them, when you are the only one with a kid, and when most things friends do cost money (i.e. shopping, dining out, meeting for coffee, etc). But I digress. My job is really not very interesting. I process samples that come from people's lungs, one way or another. I listen to the other people in the lab bitch about things that I have no interest in, or make plans with each other for the weekend, or whathaveyou. I feel isolated. I know they aren't doing it on purpose, but my part of the lab is naturally isolated; I work on human samples, and with our research clinic, and the rest of the lab does not. They have other projects and collaborators, and they have a different boss than I do. So there's sort of a natural division there, and I know that nobody is consciously pushing me to the periphery, but I really does feel that way. I miss my grad school lab, we all got along great and had a blast together. Of course, I don't miss anything else about Seattle, but that was a big thing. I am now in such a quandry, because I need the money from my job, and I need something close to my house (which my current job is not especially, but it is the closest job in molecular biology that I could get), and we need insurance, but I am not happy at my job. I could get a higher paying job elsewhere (maybe) but it would mean spending 2 hours a day commuting instead of 1.5 hours a day. I want to teach, but that requires getting certified, which requires classes that cost money (though my work reimburses up to $2000 a year for full time employees to further education) and I don't want to teach while I am actively having children because I've heard maternity leave is a pain, and pumping is near impossible to manage while teaching. *sigh*

In happier news, J started crawling yesterday! I was at work and missed it, of course, but I will see it soon.